This wonderful Rollercoaster ride we’re on

4th graders knowing what ‘Emo’ is.

Darfur, should I even go there?

Killing the planet, does anyone actually care?

Which idiot can I vote into office to turn the US into more of a disaster than it already is?

Rolling my car three times, walking away from it with a small bruise.

A little girl’s smile.

A hug from my son.

Falling in love with my wife every time I look at her.

Staring at a spiderweb for minutes on end, for no reason.

Having a blackberry.

Having a job that not only DOESN’T suck, but is actively the coolest place I have ever worked.

Moving to Japan – possible? ;)Â (yeah right)

Living in the townhouse…..forever…..and ever…..

Debt. Yep, count it. It’s a four letter word.

Writing more – yes, I had an accident, but I’m writing more regardless. Did ya notice? Huh huh??

3100$ to raise for a ride I am not even close to being in shape for. Help me!!!Â

Working for someone you respect, and allowing yourself to think that he might respect me back. (yes Matt, here’s your Cameo 😉

Flying

Swimming – need to see about certification for Puerto Rico next year.

Did I mention debt being a four letter word?

Random postings from hell…..

lots of periods after words ……

Be true to yourself, don’t get distracted by bullshit, and do the right thing – ALWAYS!!!

Plum tuckered

Just spent the day hanging out at a friends pool. Girls went shopping while Doug and I hung out and played with the kids. You know you’re lucky when you find a couple where you like both adults, and all of the mingled kids get along too.

I was cuddling Gillian to sleep and I think I napped for a little bit, which is good. I think I needed it.

So I have physical therapy tomorrow, hoping to clear up some of the pain in my back. Hope it helps.

Just finished watching the Soprano’s finale.  What a gip. That sucked dude. I won’t give anything away, but the ending blows.

Taking it, one day at a time.

Went to various doctors and it looks like physical therapy for the back, and I’m fit as far as the mental therapist says.  I’m glad I went to talk to her :)  Said my instincts are doing well, that I don’t have any post traumatic stress disorder, and that I’m handling things properly.  If I feel like I’m regressing or depressed, I’m going to go back, but she said I’m doing well.

What she said I did right:
1) Don’t avoid the scene.  ( I went there that day to get some of my stuff that was on the curb:)
2) Don’t avoid talking about it – what happened, how you felt then, how you feel now.  (I think I retold this story about 12 times the first day back at work)
3) Share the experience with people, talk to people you trust, get it out of you, so it doesn’t poison you.  (did this till I turned blue – for those who listened, thanks)
4) Get back in the car :)  (check)
5) Try to restore as much normalcy to your routine as possible.  (She said that me going back to work on Monday was a bit of a stretch, but that she thought I was ready after the game on Sunday.)
6) Don’t feel badly if you aren’t doing great.  Don’t let it get you down if you don’t spring back immediately.  (check, check)
7) Talk, Talk, Talk.  Examine your feelings, understand them as genuine, and see ways of validating them without being paralyzed by them.  (yeah, checks all around)

and a bunch of other stuff.

I’m feeling pretty good tho.  Physically my back is a bit sore, but I’ve got a physical therapy session on monday, so I’m hoping some time with them will get it back into shape.

We’re kicking around the idea of me using Mass Transit to commute for a while.  Yes, I’ll be at the mercy of the public transit system, but I think I’ll be okay.  That way, we don’t necessarily have to buy a car right away.  Probably going to get a piece of crap to drive back and forth to the bus station.  Yeah, bus.  It takes an hour to get to Port Authority, I walk to Grand Central, and then a 35-50 min train to White Plains.  If I leave Bridgewater at 6am, I’ll be in the office before 8.

Pain?  Yeah, somewhat.  But I think it’s worth doing for the summer, see how things go.  If it’s not working, then we’ll deal with it.  Plus it’s 3-4 hours of dev time that I can do.  Pick up some contract work, make some extra cash.  I’m going to need to because it’ll cost me 500 to commute where as I was only paying around 300 for gas, but I think in the long run, it’ll work nicely.

Thanks for caring guys.  I mean it.

Till Now…06/06

Okay, I was trying to be good, but too many things happened.

Gilli Update:  Gillian is a new person and it’s not even been all that long for her new diet.  She’s gluten free now and she’s got 1000x more energy and pep.  Nice to have my little girl back again.  Her cheeks are filling out, and she’s running around like a looney.  She started the fitness challenge at the gym this month and after a few days is feeling pretty darned good.

Cheerleading Update:  There is someone out there listening to me:)  No only did they decide to have Aidan’s team not travel next year, they also decided to have their practices on the same weekend day, so our weekends during the season are not going to be completely shot anymore.  Hopefully, my parents won’t disown me now:)

Aidan Update: He’s moving to another school next year, Eisenhower Intermediate, so they’re getting them ready to move up.  They had all the kids try several different instruments and they decided that Aidan will play the Baritone, based on how he did with the other things.  Hate to tell him that he’s going to have to lug that thing to and from school!!  At least he doesn’t have to walk to school, uphill both ways, in the snow to get there, the bus comes to the corner at 8:45!!!  Talk about a sleep in!

Fae Update:  She’s been a tagging fool!  She’s set up a lot of locations for the kids at the gym to tag at, which puts money into our account.  Woo!  She’s also become the goto person at the gym for anything having to do with tagging, which is cool.  Still losing weight too:)

Me Update:  Well, if you’ve been following along lately, you’ve seen that I was in a serious accident last Thursday.  My shoulders are still hurting, my neck is still and driving is not a fun chore, especially since I rolled my car three times.  Driving 1.5 hours each way is not fun at all.  I’m getting through it, but I’m going to see the doc about my back, and another one about how to deal with some of the stress of the trauma.

Yesterday was better, hopefully tomorrow will be good too:)

Day 6

I was doing better until around 10 this morning, and now my back is starting to hurt. I have a feeling that I have strained the muscles between my shoulder blades and in my neck. Driving and sitting up are a whole lot of fun.

grrr.

Dr. appts tomorrow with family doc for my back, and a therapist for my head. Still having bad dreams, want to talk to her about stuff. Going to go home and take a muscle relaxant to see if it takes the sting out of this.

I’m still here:)

Fate? Destiny? Random Act of rolloveredness?

I don’t know.

For those of you who are trying to figure out what the hell I am talking about, I rolled my car three times on Thursday and walked away with a few scratches.

first post
second post
photo gallery – http://www.cushingonline.com/gallery/ and click on Matt’s Wreck 05/31/07

So, it’s Sunday, and I’ve had several days to adjust and get used to it all. Do I want to forget it all? No. Do I want to get on with my life and not let this cripple me? Yeah, I’d say that was my best bet.

My friend Alex had given me tickets a while back to the Mets game today. I wasn’t going to go, but my wife suggested I should, if only to concentrate on something else. She was right. It allowed me to break up the constant mulling over of the events that I had been doing since the accident, and let me watch as the Mets lost to the Diamondbacks. Which sucked, but I had a good time with my friend Doug, and we talked about a lot of stuff, some accident, some not.

I think that the cure that everyone needs that has been in a rollover accident, is a ballpark dog. That hotdog was probably the best thing I have ever tasted simply because it felt safe. I’m not sure that’s going to make sense to anyone, but I think that’s what I have been doing since it happened. Building back up my safety zone. I’ve been conversing with a girl in Michigan who found my blog who had a similar experience on Friday, and it’s been very helpful to be able to talk to someone who has been through the same exact thing as me. Not that my wife and parents and friends have been insensitive or not understanding. It’s just impossible to understand fully what you’ve been through unless you’ve done it.

I’m not over it, nor do I think I will be for a while. I think that I am okay now tho. I had a really good time today at the game, and hugged my wife and kids extra today when I got home.

Now I think I am going to go have some oreo cookies and milk and go to bed. I was going to say ‘crash’ but I think I’ve done enough of that lately.

Wow…

It’s saturday, and I didn’t have a very good day today. Spent the night reliving the accident 11 or 12 times. Not alot of fun, nor a good night asleep. I think today was my ‘shock’ day.

if you have no idea what I am talking about, read the previous posts. I rolled my car three times and walked away with a few scratches.

I’ve been thinking about it all day. Why did I survive? Is there something special I need to do? Was it the hand of god, a guardian angel, my own personal mojo, some esoteric magic that saved me? At first, I really didn’t give a crap what it was, I survived. I was well enough to yell across the road at the driver of the truck, many obscenities that I am not going to repeat on my mostly PG blog.

I was slammed into, violently, practically tossed into the curb and rolled across three lanes of traffic. How did I not get hit by another car? How am I not dead, or least injured in some way. In a way, strangely enough, I feel a little guilty because I feel like I should be more injured than I am. Almost as if I am upset because I went through all of that and only came out with a few scratches. Granted…my car is toast. But except for some soreness in my left shoulder, I’m walking around fine. I went in the pool today for goodness sake.

How did I feel going through all of that? What was going through my head as I tumbled over and over in my car? I was sad. Sad that I didn’t get a chance to tell my wife I loved her before I left for my appointment. Sad that I didn’t get a chance to play with my kids more than I have been. Screaming at the top of my lungs, all I could think was how sad I was, and how much I wanted to get through this.

And what happened? I came to a stop on the tires, bent out of shape as they were, turned off the car, got out quickly, and started screaming at the guy in the truck that hit me. What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve to go through this torture? I am still not sure why it happened, and the more I think about it, the less I want to know. I definitely think it’s making me think about the things around me, how lucky I am with everything that I have, how lucky I was to survive, and how important cherishing the people in your life that make it special. No, I’m not about to go on the speaking tour about how an accident change my life. I am going to stop and smell the roses, and play more, and tell my wife I love her and my kids and my friends and parents.

All I wanted to do while the car was rolling was to get out and go home and hug my family. I did that, and I am thankful and grateful for it. I think it’s time to get on with my life and see why fate spared me.