What is too much?
DadCentric wrote about a kid holding up a sign about lying to his parents:
I WILL NOT LIE TO MY PARENTS AND I WILL NOT USE PROFANITY
Standing on a busy corner, eyes downcast, humiliated with a group of people standing in the shade behind him, most likely his family.
Here's the thing - when does this become okay? As parents, we have to set boundaries. We set limits to protect their safety, hopefully teach them something, and generally keep them from running us over as they speed their way out of our houses. This, to me, seems like what DadCentric is saying - maybe a bluff got called and hopefully the parents are just as miserable and humiliated.
As a father, well, as a parent, I am constantly hit by varying degrees of issues/emergencies/decisions. The last several months have been fairly emotional, and I find myself reacting like RagingDad and exploding over some split milk. One issue after the other after the other and BOOM!
HULK SMASH!
The problem is, we lose control for a split second on kids with impressionable psyches who take in EVERYTHING - don't shake your heads, they do! - EVERYTHING you say and store it in that little brain of theirs where it percolates and helps them grow. Problem is when something comes out of your mouth that you want to desperately grab out of the air and stuff back down your stupid throat, gets away, gets in their heads, and germinates into something that comes out years from now that when you realize what it's all about, you want to turn in your DaddyLicense and slit your wrists open because you are the worst father in the world.
*wow, that was interesting. I love how I start writing because something catches my attention and it turns into a thought provoking post that helps me figure out what in my head*
So what do y'all think?
August 13th, 2008 - 12:00
So, if you screw up, you admit your mistake to your kids. You show them that you too are human, you too have your faults, your problems, and your places that need improvement… just like them. You are trying to make yourself the best person you can be, just like you are trying to help make them the best they can be… and yes, even they help make you into the best person you can be.
I find with my own kids that the more I show them that I too am human the further I actually get and the healthier our relationship actually is.
On that same token, I’m still the parent and if they still screw up enough I will put the smack down on them.
In the example you gave, when is that ok? Well, for them they obviously got to a point where they thought it was. I know I’ve had enough times where long ago I may thought I’d never do something but then something later in life (regardings kids or otherwise) I found that yeah that’s ok to do because circumstances were correct for it.
If nothing else, be glad to see some parents out there giving a damn to discipline their kids… instead of the hoardes of neuvaux parents out there these days that provide zero discipline for their precious snowflakes… then they wonder why their kids don’t listen to them, obey them, or respect them as the kids get older.
August 13th, 2008 - 13:04
True, there are way too many uninvolved parents, but that whole thing struck me as a bit 1950′s. Considering that there might be circumstances I don’t know about, I’m willing to let it slide, but I truly don’t think I would ever have to go that extent to get my point across. I guess that’s why it never occurred to me as okay.
it gets back to your point in your other comment about not knowing what drivers are thinking – you don’t know what happened to lead up to this point.
August 13th, 2008 - 16:34
Exactly. We don’t know so we can’t judge. And we also can’t fairly say we’d never do the same because well…. look at yourself 20 years ago and did you think then you’d be where you are now doing what you’re doing now? Maybe. I know in my case I didn’t have any clue I’d be where I’m at now. So since we can’t really know what circumstances life may eventually throw at us well… we can only say we’ll try to do what we believe is right given the circumstances at the time.