mattdaddy.net info that bounces inside my brain that makes sense to me, maybe you.

Would you go back?

Mrs4444 from Half-Past Kissin' Time had a great post about something she read on The Pioneer Woman's blog:

How similar is your life now to how you imagined it ten years ago? Twenty years ago? Are you exactly where you imagined you’d be? Or are you constantly asking yourself, “How did I get here?” Do you mourn the unrealized plans in your life? Or are you happy no matter what your circumstances?

This is a really good question, when you're done reading my ramblings, think about it yourself.

Okay, lets answer the question as far back as they ask first. 20 years ago:
It was 1988, probably one of the worst moments of my life would have just past in May - I failed out of college. I went to Mary Washington College(now Mary Washington University) to be in Virginia because I couldn't get into JMU. I partied my ass off, hardly went to classes, and got exactly what I deserved. MWC suspended me for a year.

What the hell am I going to do?

Okay. 10 years ago. I was 29, living in Texas in a great apartment, finally getting somewhere with programming. I had FINALLY finished my degree, (well if you want to get technical, I would finish it in a few months), I had a 1 yr old son, and a good life. What did I expect next?

Now: I'm sitting in my Aunt's apartment at the beach, writing this. Am I where I wanted to be/expected to be? Do I have any unrealized goals/plans?

Sure, I'd like to be studying martial arts in Japan. Am I where I expected to be? Yeah, for the most part. I was hoping I would break into the management thing before I was 40, but unless my boss has an ace up his sleeve, I don't see that happening before January. At the same time, did I expect to be in the programming job I am in, with the responsibility and more importantly, the TRUST in my ability and my work? Oh HELL no. I worked at ETS for 4 years. I wasn't working, I was hiding. I was bringing home a paycheck and that's about it. It was only when I started wanting and asking for more that the universe decided to reward me with the job I have now and the boss I am working for.

10 years ago, yeah, this is about where I imagined I would be. Well, I imagined a lot better shape than I am currently in, but I'm working on that.

20 years ago? No, I didn't think this was possible. More importantly, after going to Community College for a semester and them letting me back in, and then failing out again? No, I expected that I would never finish my degree, I would marry someone who didn't challenge me much, and I would live with or near my parents until I was 30 or so. I was convinced that I didn't have the stones to pick myself up and make something of myself. Other than the person my mom wanted me to be. Not her fault, I let her make my decisions. It wasn't until failing out the second time that I decided to do something. I finished my associates degree, and somehow got into JMU. I did okay, but not well enough to graduate before I moved to Houston and spent the next 4 years making up for leaving.

Would I go back and change anything? Do I mourn any unrealized plans? No to both. I wouldn't go back and change anything because it led me to the place that I am. I might go back and cancel the doctors appointment I was coming back from when I flipped my car three times while on my way back from it but that's it.

I have a beautiful wife who challenges me to be a better person. I have to amazing children who don't think I suck too much, and I have a good life full of friends and loved ones. I have a lot to be thankful for in this world of more stuff, more things, more crap you don't really need.

Now, project another 20 years? I'll be 59, Aidan will be 31, Gillian 28. Where will I be?

I'll be living comfortably on the proceeds of my successful fantasy novel(s), with a beach house somewhere and a place near some city. If I have my way? Apartment in Boston, and a beach house on the Outer Banks, or maybe somewhere in the Caribbean. What? Its my dream/projection/prediction

Your turn...