Traditions
What is the full moon? The end of a cycle? The fruition of a month? Not sure I used fruition right, but it's my blog, right?
One of the things I wanted to start doing was spending more time with the kids, just doing things together. Went boogey boarding yesterday and taught them at least the correct theory of how you're supposed to do it. Come on, this is Long Island, there aren't any waves around here except MAYBE Montauk. So that was interesting. Gillian was more interested in letting the wave crash and have the whitewash pull her and her board. Giggled her butt off for about 2 hours, so she must have been doing something right.
So, while Fae was cursing at her Palm Centro, Yahoo, and her computer in equal measure, I took the kids out to see the full moon and we all talked about what we'd tried to accomplish the month before, and how we think we did. They were both tired and kinda punchy, but I think it means something to them to do stuff like this, and to have traditions.
Do you remember any from when you were a kid?
I remember camping as a kid. We'd pack up the three kids and my Dad and go somewhere on the Appalachian Trail and walk around for a day or so. Got caught in torrential downpours a few times, even remember sleeping on the floor of our VW rabbit one time. Miserable, but I remember it fondly nonetheless. We ended up waking up the next morning for a hearty breakfast of Dinty Moore Stew and hiking quite a bit.
That's what I want to make for my kids - things to remember. Traditions to pass down, things like that.
Would you go back?
Mrs4444 from Half-Past Kissin' Time had a great post about something she read on The Pioneer Woman's blog:
How similar is your life now to how you imagined it ten years ago? Twenty years ago? Are you exactly where you imagined you’d be? Or are you constantly asking yourself, “How did I get here?” Do you mourn the unrealized plans in your life? Or are you happy no matter what your circumstances?
This is a really good question, when you're done reading my ramblings, think about it yourself.
Okay, lets answer the question as far back as they ask first. 20 years ago:
It was 1988, probably one of the worst moments of my life would have just past in May - I failed out of college. I went to Mary Washington College(now Mary Washington University) to be in Virginia because I couldn't get into JMU. I partied my ass off, hardly went to classes, and got exactly what I deserved. MWC suspended me for a year.
What the hell am I going to do?
Okay. 10 years ago. I was 29, living in Texas in a great apartment, finally getting somewhere with programming. I had FINALLY finished my degree, (well if you want to get technical, I would finish it in a few months), I had a 1 yr old son, and a good life. What did I expect next?
Now: I'm sitting in my Aunt's apartment at the beach, writing this. Am I where I wanted to be/expected to be? Do I have any unrealized goals/plans?
Sure, I'd like to be studying martial arts in Japan. Am I where I expected to be? Yeah, for the most part. I was hoping I would break into the management thing before I was 40, but unless my boss has an ace up his sleeve, I don't see that happening before January. At the same time, did I expect to be in the programming job I am in, with the responsibility and more importantly, the TRUST in my ability and my work? Oh HELL no. I worked at ETS for 4 years. I wasn't working, I was hiding. I was bringing home a paycheck and that's about it. It was only when I started wanting and asking for more that the universe decided to reward me with the job I have now and the boss I am working for.
10 years ago, yeah, this is about where I imagined I would be. Well, I imagined a lot better shape than I am currently in, but I'm working on that.
20 years ago? No, I didn't think this was possible. More importantly, after going to Community College for a semester and them letting me back in, and then failing out again? No, I expected that I would never finish my degree, I would marry someone who didn't challenge me much, and I would live with or near my parents until I was 30 or so. I was convinced that I didn't have the stones to pick myself up and make something of myself. Other than the person my mom wanted me to be. Not her fault, I let her make my decisions. It wasn't until failing out the second time that I decided to do something. I finished my associates degree, and somehow got into JMU. I did okay, but not well enough to graduate before I moved to Houston and spent the next 4 years making up for leaving.
Would I go back and change anything? Do I mourn any unrealized plans? No to both. I wouldn't go back and change anything because it led me to the place that I am. I might go back and cancel the doctors appointment I was coming back from when I flipped my car three times while on my way back from it 
but that's it.
I have a beautiful wife who challenges me to be a better person. I have to amazing children who don't think I suck too much, and I have a good life full of friends and loved ones. I have a lot to be thankful for in this world of more stuff, more things, more crap you don't really need.
Now, project another 20 years? I'll be 59, Aidan will be 31, Gillian 28. Where will I be?
I'll be living comfortably on the proceeds of my successful fantasy novel(s), with a beach house somewhere and a place near some city. If I have my way? Apartment in Boston, and a beach house on the Outer Banks, or maybe somewhere in the Caribbean. What? Its my dream/projection/prediction 
Your turn...
they’re back:)
In all of the hubbub of getting Gillian off to Celiac camp this week, I forgot to mention that Aidan was at Grammy Camp - my folx live on Long Island and he stayed here for the week with my sisters kids who are in from out of town. Nice, eh? So Fae and I had a week alone and what did we do? Worried about the kids.
Don't get me wrong, we did some stuff around the house, she scrapbooked for two days straight and we had some dates, it was nice. We missed them. Especially Gillian, because we could talk to Aidan whenever we wanted to.
So we picked her up today and honestly, I don't think she would have minded staying another week:) Did she miss us? I'm sure she did, but she had such a good time swimming, and hiking, and canoeing, and singing songs, and going to baseball games, and looking at boys, and learning new things, and rock climbing, and etc etc.
Yeah, I said looking at boys. She's 8! Henry and Jack were her two favorites. They're both 9.
She had a week where she didn't need to think about if she could eat this or that, a week of being 'normal' for once and not having to watch every little thing. Thank god for this camp. She's definitely going back next year.
trapped
My Aunt's birthday celebration is this weekend, so Fae and I are in Lane Bryant...and we're still here.
How can you tell time in a black hole? I've heard 'the first cut is the deepest' by Sheryl Crowe twice now.
Dude...someone shoot me please. Quickly. If I hear that dude singing about 'Sumthin Luscious', I'm going postal.
Someone send in that Coors train to rescue me. Too bad I don't drink anymore...still
SAVE ME!!!
Selling out with ads
Wow. I actually almost did it. I started googling about how to run advertising on my blog.
Low Cash, plus Cash Need = find a way to make more money
So, is advertising on my site selling out? Do I take a place that I enjoy slathering with my own bullshit and turn it into a money maker? Do I plaster it with so many ads it's hard to read?
I'm thinking no. I would like to advertise for stuff I like, but more so I can share stuff that I've found. I like the way Dooce does it, where she has her main posts, but also stuff about her dog, and fashion things.
Maybe I can do that kind of thing. I've been thinking of posting more stuff about Celiac that I've put together over the year she's had it. Cool, an idea
What is too much?
DadCentric wrote about a kid holding up a sign about lying to his parents:
I WILL NOT LIE TO MY PARENTS AND I WILL NOT USE PROFANITY
Standing on a busy corner, eyes downcast, humiliated with a group of people standing in the shade behind him, most likely his family.
Here's the thing - when does this become okay? As parents, we have to set boundaries. We set limits to protect their safety, hopefully teach them something, and generally keep them from running us over as they speed their way out of our houses. This, to me, seems like what DadCentric is saying - maybe a bluff got called and hopefully the parents are just as miserable and humiliated.
As a father, well, as a parent, I am constantly hit by varying degrees of issues/emergencies/decisions. The last several months have been fairly emotional, and I find myself reacting like RagingDad and exploding over some split milk. One issue after the other after the other and BOOM!
HULK SMASH!
The problem is, we lose control for a split second on kids with impressionable psyches who take in EVERYTHING - don't shake your heads, they do! - EVERYTHING you say and store it in that little brain of theirs where it percolates and helps them grow. Problem is when something comes out of your mouth that you want to desperately grab out of the air and stuff back down your stupid throat, gets away, gets in their heads, and germinates into something that comes out years from now that when you realize what it's all about, you want to turn in your DaddyLicense and slit your wrists open because you are the worst father in the world.
*wow, that was interesting. I love how I start writing because something catches my attention and it turns into a thought provoking post that helps me figure out what in my head*
So what do y'all think?
BRHT – Big Rotten Hairy Tomato
Think of a nasty rotten hairy tomato that has sat out for WAY Too long, has why hairs and green sludge on it. Okay, go it? Now, here are the people I wanted to throw it at yesterday:
- the a-hole on 287S who decided to cut me off and then slow down to talk on his phone while traffic is a mile clear ahead of him. You get a BFHT.
- the guy who decided he didn't have to wait so he slid up the shoulder ahead of everyone and jumped in just before the exit. You get a BFHT
- Every Single CT Driver on Sunday on my way to and from Gilli's camp who decided that it was okay to do 30 miles under the speed limit in the LEFT LANE. You get TWO BFHT EACH.
Are you sensing a traffic oriented trend? I thought you might. Grrrr. LEARN TO DRIVE PEOPLE! STOP FEELING ENTITLED!!!
Please feel free to add your own. Might have to come up with a small little rotten tomato graphic.
Blogging
So why do we do it?
Dooce does it because she's freakin hilarious. They do a BlogHer conference to promote women who blog. I think it's great.
But how much of the really big huge blogs are real? I read a lot of blogs, and most of the ones that I do tend to read a bunch of are typically Dad Blogs - how to be a better parent, how to make life better so your wife doesn't strangle you, what's happening in my life that I want to share - but my point is, why do people blog?
Truthfully, and people try to convince me otherwise, I blog for two reasons:
- I blog because I like to write and it helps me to bring my brain together when I need to
- I blog because I like hearing from people. Especially ones I haven't spoken to in a long time and ones I've never met
Do I think I will have the readership or the revenue stream of Dooce? No, of course not.(Tho, come on, you know that would be ultra freakin cool.) Plus I think I'd have to actually advertise on my site to actually see any revenue coming in.
I think that I have already found two cool guys in similar situations who are doing it for the same reasons - to share experiences and to find other people of like minds. Check out the blogroll, it's Mike @ Unraveling Mysteries andRaging Dad. Give them both a read, pretty cool.
Around the world in a day?
Oye... Just woke up after dropping Gillian off at Celiac Camp. Place looks really neat. Big lake, lots of stuff to do, 139 campers.
Drove from Bridgewater NJ, dropped off Fae at our friends, drove to North Scituate, Rhode Island (which is NOT an island according to Gillian), then back to my parents house in Long Island. Going into work tomorrow and back to Bridgewater, leaving Aidan here for the week to hang out with my nieces and nephew.
The camp looks really neat, and Gillian had NO trouble saying goodbye. Got her in, made her bed, put her clothes away, and bing bang boom, we're outta there and she's jumping in to play go fish with her new friends. I marvel at the spirit of this little girl.
Anyway, here are some pics and movies I took yesterday dropping her off.
Excited about Camp from Matt Cushing on Vimeo.
Julie McCoy shows us around from Matt Cushing on Vimeo.
Celiac Dad to the Rescuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuue!
Gilli's pretty much packed and ready to go to camp starting on Sunday. Before I get into it, you might want to read the posts I've put up. Short summary -
Gillian was diagnosed with Celiac disease about a month before my accident, and thankfully with a change in diet, is relatively normal. As long as she is careful about what she eats, she's got a nice, healthy, long life ahead of her. No meds or treatments. Just can't digest gluten - makes her puke....spectacularly. I mean it - rainbows and everything
So we were thinking of taking a camping trip this summer, so I wanted to look up information about anyone who had been camping with Celiac. Found a few places that had some tricks, a place that had all of the exact ingredients for a REALLY tasty gluten free s'more. Searching for other stuff, I came across the website for a Celiac CAMP! Originally I was going to volunteer, but they already had enough people.
The great thing about it is for a whole week, Gillian will not have to ask "Can I eat this" or "Does that have gluten in it?" She won't have to have special food, or have different plates, or worry about just being DIFFERENT!! For a week, she'll be just like everyone else and hopefully make a lot of friends and have a great freakin time.
While we sit in an empty house, pining for them both. Oh yeah, forgot to mention. My sister is in town from Chicago and Aidan is going to my Moms in Long Beach to hang out for the week. I'm leaving Sunday morning, dropping off Fae at a friends house, taking Gillian and Aidan with me to drop Gilli off at camp in Rhode Island, turning around and driving to Long Beach to my Mom's house. I'll work from my Aunts house (right across the compound) and then go into the office from there on Tues am and go home afterward.
Going to be a quiet week