Great Post – Metro Dad
Over at MetroDad, his post aboutRaising a Nation of Pussies hits things spot on.
I'm not into war, or conflict, or picking fights. Aidan had a tough year last year, pretty much cringing at what would come next. Now don't get me wrong, he's a sensitive kid and he takes things personally way too much, I will admit that right up front. We did tell him (and Gillian) that if it ever did get physical, that Mom and Dad wouldn't get mad if they dropped the little SOB. I'm not talking dirty, I'm not talking about them bullying people and starting things.
Someone starts it? You end it. Nothing bad, but if someone is pushing you and talking to them isn't working, don't run. Just drop them. No face or privates, but anything else is fair game. Folx, I've been taking Martial Arts for the last 15 years now. I'd love to teach them the finer points of a snapkick to the side of the head. Gillian has the chutspah to back anyone down, just by force of will. Aidan's gonna need some help, which is why I've been teaching him subtle things. I'll grab him by the wrist and not let go until he figures out the best way out of it. I'll swat him lightly in the back of the head and give him a "What NOW?" face and see how he comes back at me.
I think he's at an age now where I can begin really training him the way I want to, and truthfully, it'll be interesting because with me starting to work out at the gym, it might tie in nicely with my own physical fitness. I just wish he'd grow like his friend did over the summer. I swear the kid is going to be 6'5". 
September 3rd, 2008 - 10:30
I think there is possibly something to be said for defending yourself. And I’m glad that he made it clear that he suggests other methods of handling the conflict FIRST, before resorting to return violence. (And make no mistake, “justified” or not, what he’s suggesting is continuing the violence.)
What worries me is that he can’t talk on the subject without resorting to equating a slang term for the female anatomy to a weak person. Part of WHY we have so many problems with violence and bullies is this mentality that unless you are tough, you aren’t “man enough”. And insisting on using such gender-divisive language is part of how our children learn those confinding gender roles that lead to using violence to show how “manly” you are. It’s unfortunate, because it weakens what otherwise might be an interesting argument.
September 3rd, 2008 - 13:52
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with what needs to happen with your kids. Sometimes negotiation just is not going to work. And as long as they understand the consequences of being a bully as opposed to defending themselves your going down the right path.
My girls have all been taught the finer points of defense. Being teenage girls it’s important that they know how to get out of a “dangerous situation”. In their case though I’ve told them that “everything is fair game”. Kicking them in the nuts (see earlier post) was one of my examples of that.
Great post…
September 5th, 2008 - 10:33
That article @ Metro Dad was awesome. You can only reason with and talk to a toddler to a certain point. If a parent isn’t willing to do more than talk to their child about the bad behavior then someone else will.
I want my daughters to be able to defend themselves, but I also want them to learn from their actions and mistakes. Isn’t that the way that you and I learned?
September 5th, 2008 - 10:52
I totally hear where Amy is coming from, but for the most part Tyler, yeah, that’s how I learned as well.
Fae and I have come out and said, please start with trying to reason things out, but if it’s not working and you are backed into a corner, don’t hold back and come out swinging.
Aidan was a bit shocked when we told him this, but I laid down a few rules. Reason first, don’t start it, if pushed too far – end it. I don’t want him getting into fights, ever. That’s not what it’s all about. It’s about knowing when to do what.
I guess that’s the whole gist of it – knowing when to do what.