mattdaddy.net info that bounces inside my brain that makes sense to me, maybe you.

Being a Dad

What does it take to be a father?  Who draws up the rules and hands you a list of things you need to do?  Why do we become fathers?

Yeah, I'm not totally sure either:)  I just know that I'm doing something right because my kids are growing up fairly normal.  I got married at 26, I was a first time father at 28, and again at 30.  So that means I've been married for almost 14 years, I have an 11 yr old and a soon to be 9 yr old.  She's 8 and 11/12ths thank you very much! (Take a bow Gillian).  I've been through diapers, teething, potty training, first days of school, first days of practice, and first days of away camp.  I've been through night terrors, "can't sleep with the lights off", "can't sleep with the lights on", "Daddy get me a drinkie", and other things not worth mentioning.  I've had just about every single body emission on me at some point and I'm still breathing.

My latest bout has been getting my son through 5th grade, relatively unscathed.  Let me tell you, beware of moving from elementary school to middle/intermediate school.  The kids get shitty and they can spot a victim from a mile away.  Unfortunately, Aidan is a pretty sensitive kid and prone to take just about everything personally.  So how do you make sure your kid knows you support him, without doing it for him, or wimping him out?  Lots of confidence talks, therapy for him (and us), and a long breather over the summer.  Thankfully, this year, he's got the stones to give some back and is quickly realizing that people weren't picking on him, they were just fuckin with him.  I really didn't think I was going to survive that one.

So what does it take?  It takes patience.  It takes a lot of love, a lot of communication, and a lot of holding back what you really want to say because they need to learn it for themselves and telling them the solution or the answer to the problem won't help.  In a lot of cases, it makes it worse.  It takes a lot of hope, a lot of frustration, and a lot of disappointment.

Now at this point, you're probably thinking that I don't like being a Dad.  Far from it.  The cool stuff is what makes it all worth it.  Even a tenth of the cool stuff makes the hard stuff easier.

They can smile and make my day.  They give me hugs when I need them, even if I don't know I need them.  They need me at times, and want to do it on their own at others.  My 11 yr old still likes to have his back tickled as he falls asleep.  My daughter knows when I'm tense and makes me lay on my stomach so she can walk on my back and loosen things up.  The rush in on the days I work from home and tell me about their days.

They email me at work or send me instant messages.

They give me an excuse to play D&D again and finally get to DM instead of playing the cleric all the time.

Anyone can be the biological parent.  It takes a lot more effort, sweat, nerves, tears, smiles, laughs to be a Dad.