Aidan(6) and Gillian(3) in Great Falls VA 2003 – Gillian’s Bangs are KICKIN!
Henry Poole is Here is Luke Wilson with a terminal disease moving into a house that has a water stain that looks like jesus. It’s a great movie, still trying to figure out if he believed in jesus, in miracles, in both, in neither. It was a wonderful movie.
John Adams: an HBO series that I watched the first disc of. I’ve always been semi interested in American History, tho I should be more interested. I’ve always liked John Adams, and so I rented it and watched it. I have always enjoyed Paul Giamatti’s work, but he was UNBELIEVABLE in this series. Not crazy about Laura Linney in the past, but she was wonderful too. I really enjoyed trying to figure out who was who before they used their names. REALLY enjoyed the guys they got for Ben Franklin and Thomas Jefferson. I liked remembering that Jefferson was eloquent with a pen, but tended to be more quiet than most in session. I did a report on him in 4th grade and I remembered that, and they actually mentioned something about it. If you get the dvd, you can turn on the historical popups too, which I thought was cool. Ended up watching it a second time to see what was what.
Sorry I haven’t been writing much lately. Fae’s having issues with some of her meds not working, so she’s been out of commission for a while, which leads me to pick up the slack. It’s tiring, but it makes you take a good look at your priorities.
One of the things that helps me in my day to day is the ability to sit and write, and I haven’t been because I’m too busy trying with other things. One of the other things is the reason for my post. That little update blurb was longer than I had intended, but I haven’t written in a while and it all just comes flowing out sometimes.
My son Aidan is 12, and my daughter Gillian is 9. One of the coolest moments of my life was when I was living with Fae in Houston and Aidan was a toddler, he heard me open the door. I heard his little feet padding through the living room and him yelling “Da da da da da DAH!” as he came around the corner and ran/fell into my arms. Definitely one of the coolest moments as a father, well as a human being:)
Now that they’re older, I expected that they wouldn’t do it. Both kids STILL greet me at the door yelling DADDY! as I come in. We have a two floor condo, and you have to go up 7 steps from the front door to the main floor, and depending on who gets there first, they usually hit the first three steps and dive into my arms. I’ve learned to put my stuff down as soon as I come in the door. It’s fun when Aidan gets there first and Gillian jumps on him so I end up carrying both of them up 🙂
Will it stop? I sure hope not. It just about makes my day sometimes. It’s weird to think I have kids that are this old, and at other times it feels totally right.
I do these types of entries for several reasons. I know I need to write. I know I want to post every day but I don’t. I like to keep people updated on stuff I’m up to and things I’m interested in. But I don’t have enough coherent thought to go into anything deep, so I gather up all of these little fragments and put them in one post.
1) I’ve been writing a story online with another blogger, and we moved our stuff here: Simply Writing It’s more of an exercise in writing than two people trying to write the great american novel.
2) I’ve been having problems with being anxious and edgy lately. Normally it’s because I’m not working out enough, but a random comment from a doc minded person I know on Facebook leads me to believe that it might be because my Thyroid meds might be too high. I just changed them like 2-4 weeks ago, so it makes sense. Going in for bloodwork on Wed.
3) FINALLY got the okay to get an MRI on my shoulder/neck to see if there’s any serious issues from my accident. Short version: the neck and shoulder muscles are so locked that it’s causing nerve problems and pain in my elbow and numbness in my left index finger. I’d LOVE to chalk it up to being old now that I’m 40, but I think it’s deeper than that. Orthopedist thinks its muscular, but wants to rule out nerve/disc damage. It’s taken almost 2 years to get them to okay this stupid MRI. Couldn’t just go get it because it’s part of a suit, which I probably won’t see a dime from.
4) I have to go into my weekly meeting with my boss so I’m gonna split.
5) Be nice to someone today, on purpose. You get double points if the someone is yourself.
Stress. Anxiety. Sleeplessness. Clenching muscles in my stomach. Aches.
And then I go to 2 hours of Kendo and voila, where did it all go? One of the things that I have noticed besides a little more gray, and a lot more aches and pains, as I hit the other side of 40 is that if I don’t work out on a regular basis, I become a grumpy little bitch. I get moody, I snap a lot, I mumble under my breath, and take everything personal. Is this MANopause? Am I going thru a life change?
It’s definitely harder to get my ass out of the chair and into the gym. I’ve always looked forward to martial arts classes, and have been going regularly, but the last three weeks have been brutal. First I didn’t go to jujitsu on Sunday the 3rd because I was wiped from being the Dungeon Master at my son’s D&D party. (Yes, I’m 40 and I still play D&D fairly regularly with my kids.) Wednesday was Passover at my inlaws, which was nice if difficult at times. It was good to see my bro-in-law and his family. Thursday was Passover at our friends house, which is something I look forward to because they are fairly religious and I enjoy ceremony. Plus they make it fun for the kids and we all have a good time. Friday saw me going out to my parents on Long Island while Fae stayed home sick. It was a nice visit, I got to sleep in late and take long walks on the beach by myself each day, so that helped a great deal. As I said, Wed I was at Passover, so I couldn’t go to Kendo.
Did I work out? Nope. Did I practice for Kendo or Jujistu? Nope. Was I grumpy pants until I got to stand in front of the Atlantic and let it breathe thru me? You freakin bet your butt I was.
All of this tells me that I need to stop making excuses and start practicing more and working out more. I’m going to be doing the NJ Triathlon in July and I do not want to get left behind by my friend and my brother whom I’m doing it with. A good friend from my Jujitsu class might be joining us as well. And it’s no big deal, it’s a sprint – 500m swim, 12.5 mile ride, 3mile run. Still, I want to beat my time from 2 yrs ago.
So what happened? I went into class last night a little nervous, but determined to push myself. If the 5 lbs of sweat I left in my gi is any indication, I succeeded. I’ve been fighting a headache all week, and working out actually helped too. Nice bonus. Class was long, and parts of me hurt like hell (tho not as much today, thank goodness for Tylenol), but I got thru the whole thing and felt good afterwards.
The weird thing is, I figured I’d fall into bed and pass out. I was up until 1am. Ever get that charged feeling, like you’re too big for your skin? I couldn’t get my brain to stop yammering at me, or get my body to relax, even after a warm shower. So I stared at the clock, alternately reading, watching tv, and wishing I could just pass the hell out.
Headache started to come back so I took some tylenol PM. I was out cold by 1:05.
woke up 5 hours later to get ready for work and had to pinch my cheeks every so often to stay away. About a gallon of coffee later, I’m writing this. My boss just dropped off a Krispy Kreme donut, so I’ll probably be in a coma in a few minutes.
Morning everyone 🙂
Can’t hire people to help me at work.
Haven’t worked out in almost 2 weeks.
Okay, I’m done. You ever know what’s wrong, know what you should focus on to fix it, and not be able to get that information into the right hands because you’ll grossly overstep your boundaries? Yeah, I’m there.
I’m not going to let it stress me out anymore, let it affect my job, or my emotional state, which truthfully is pretty shot right now. I’m warring between wanting to crawl into bed for a week and wanting to just simply beat the living crap out of something or someone because it will make me feel better. Of course it really won’t, but the thought is kind of tempting, don’t you think?
I think it’s a feeling of helplessness that is bothering me the most. The fact that I’m doing everything I can in so many different aspects of my life and I keep getting broadsided with bullshit that I have to handle, or think about, or just be a part of.
This brings me to an interesting point. How do you truly bitch about the things that are bothering you, the things that are sticking hot pokers into your psyche, when you can’t truly be private? It’s not that I don’t want to risk my job, or my relationships with anyone. I don’t want to whine about everything and everyone that is bothering me, but it would be nice to be able to if I wanted to.
comes back to the point – why do I blog?
There are somedays when I just don’t know.
Fae wasn’t feeling well this whole week, so after several Passover dinners out, and lots of headaches, I told her to stick close to home and I would take the kids to my parents. It sucks, but I knew she’d be better off resting while I took the kids to Long Island. It was pretty cool, hanging out with my sister and her kids, my brother came in for the day on Friday and Saturday. I am….currently trying to blog while I watch Twilight. Yeah, it’s not working 🙂
I’ll post more later.
This is Fae.
In 1993, I was going to college at James Madison University in Virginia, I was away from my parents, I was away from some influences that were leading me nowhere, I was on my own and loving life. And I was never more alone in my life. I thought that going away to school would be the end all be all cure for getting me on track and getting my life in order. Don’t get me wrong, I met some lifelong friends there and I wouldn’t trade the experience for anything, but I was missing something major.
I dated a few girls there, but I was a bit anti-social, just hanging out with my friends and not venturing out much. Tried joining a service fraternity for the Accounting School, but it was way too nerdy.
So I started playing games on the computer. Okay, this is ’93, so computers were still all mostly text based programs. I was big into D&D as a kid so I started playing on a MUD – multi user dungeon. That was cool and it was also how I met my roommate strangely enough, but not really what I was looking for. I started playing on a MUSH – multi user shared hallucination – yeah I know :), and found some cool people to roleplay with and really found online friendships. Which today with Twitter, Facebook and other things, is really fairly normal. I played regularly with a group of people, knowing that I had some strange connection with one of them. We played quite a lot and interacted well. I was getting ready to go home for the summer, so I gave her my phone number because she wanted to hear what my voice sounded like.
We spoke for over 4 hours that first night, and every night there after. I told her I loved after a week on the phone, and I had only a vague idea of what she looked like, only knowing her from the text conversations on the game, and talking on the phone. I was dying to meet her, simply because I couldn’t get enough of her. I was trying to get ready for finals but I spent more time on the phone with her than I did on my books. Yeah, our phone bills were pretty crazy. Where was Skype when you need it? 🙂
So she came to visit me for a few days, taking a bus to JMU from Houston – yeah, 36 hours on a bus. She ended up spending almost a month.
A move to Houston, a baby boy, a move back to NJ, a baby girl, several jobs, a lot of love, frustration, patience, and more patience, and here we are on my Baby’s birthday (I won’t mention which one), and although we bicker sometimes, don’t get where the other one is coming from sometimes, don’t agree sometimes, I can’t think of anyone else I would rather spend the rest of my life with than this dynamic, loving, caring woman.
You make me a better man Fae, a better person, a better Father. You are the reason I get up and work hard, so I can come home to you and get you cups of tea and scratch your back when you wake up, and give you crap about all the tasteless reality shows I know you’re addicted to. I love you warts and all, sometimes especially the warts. I know you are my partner, my love, and my best friend.
We usually don’t exchange gifts, mostly because we can’t afford crap right now:), but I try to give her things anyway – like this post, and this Haiku. I’m not a master, but I like writing them, and she likes when I write them for her.
Fae. My loving Wife.
You make me a better man
Just by being you.
Short update here, feel like I’ve been neglecting my posting. I’ve been really busy with everything at work, not only trying to organize things, but trying to learn how to use technologies I’ve never looked at before to make our lives easier. Nothing is easy or cheap of course, so it’s a struggle, but I’ve got some things moving pretty well now. Just with the economy would turn a little and allow me to hire someone to help me out.
Gotta do what cha gotta do, so I’ll manage. Otherwise, I’m still trying to get in shape for my triathlon in July. The swim and bike are a no brainer. 3 miles? yeah, not so psyched about that part 🙂