Marriage Manual: Will you get me….?
Doesn't matter what it is. If your wife asks you to go downstairs to get her tea, a cookie, a glass of milk or some sushi from Wegmans, get off your ass and do it. The flipside of this rule is Honey can't abuse it. Yes, that means that if he is already in bed, you have to make it worth his while 
Marriage Manual: Daddy, will you read to me?
Even if they are 12 yrs old, if they look at you with that look - yes, you know it, don't like - you MUST read to them.
I started reading to them at a young age and recently my 9 yr old daughter asked me to read to her again. We've been doing it for about 7 months now, and my son is asking me to do it as well. I told him that I would as long as I could read him my favorites from when I was young. We're reading "Apprentice Magician" by Ray Feist. Gillian just discovered "Redwall" by Brian Jaques.
Marriage Manual:Daddy, play a game with me, PLEEEEEEEZE!?!?!?
When they ask you to play a game, whatever it is, you must play it. Even if it's Clue DVD, and you remember who did it, where, at what time and with what. Fake it, and yes, you must help them win.
Why hath thou forsaken me?
A conversation with my body:
Body, what is up?
What do you mean what is up? This is your fault!
MY fault? Jesus, Body, what do you want me to do? You start giving me the 'old' feelings, so I get off my ass and start working out.
Uh, yeah about "working out". How's that going for you? (it says as it giggles)
and so on and so on. What is the deal? I start feeling old, start realizing that I need to get into some kind of shape. I get off my fat ass and start DOING something about it, and what happens? This hurts, or that won't let me run, or I CAN'T FEEL MY FREAKIN FINGER! WTF?!?
SO frustrating. I've been dealing with shoulder issues since the accident, but it seems that if I do something regularly, even if it's just stretching, that seems to keep that part okay. Then my left elbow started feeling like some rabid platypus named Perry is stabbing it with an icepick. (yes, that's a phineas and ferb reference). So I went to an orthopedist who ended up telling me that even tho he had just spent 4 months telling me that my shoulder tightness and elbow pain, and index finger numbness were all related - oh MRI? Yeah, not so related after all, it's clean.
Cool, I can really put more effort into running. What Tom?(my brother) You want to go run on the boardwalk? Cool! Nah, I don't need my running shoes that I left in my office that is now almost 2 hours away since I'm in Long Island.
AWESOME! I ran 2.25 miles, and I'm not afraid of the triathlon anymore. Wait, what? Why do my feet hurt, and why is it on the outside of both feet. Well, fuck! Okay, I'll ride the bike and lift weights, I finally got a cortizone shot and my left elbow is feeling fab and my shoulders are nice and loose. Um, why is my right wrist swollen and how come it huts to pick up stuff? Ganglion Cyst? WTF Is that? Oh, okay. Thanks Body, I appreciate you making that go away on it's own. Really felt like I was wearing a tourniquet on my right wrist.
Cool, my left arm is good. Left shoulder is good, wrist is fine. Wait, why does my knee hurt now? I have Kendo tonight. Fuck it, I'm going anyway. Wasn't too bad - what are you doing Body? Is this just one big PSYCHE! and it'll go away? Well, it's the weekend and of course saturday night, my right wrist keeps swelling, but no pain. I'm gonna go to Jujitsu tomorrow. Wait, let me check the weather. Ah, great. 75% chance of thunderstorms in the morning, should clear up for me to get into my car at that point.
Okay, I think you all get the picture at this point. I keep asking myself, why do I bother? I'm not 21 anymore, I get that. I get that my body is reminding me of that. But don't I get any credit in the karmic credit plan here for at least trying? I mean is the goddess of 'fucked up jokes' and 'laughing at someone until you pee' having an absolute field day with me right now?
Okay, lets make him ache in places where he's never really ached. Yeah, throw in joint popping, that's always fun. Wait wait! He's going to work out, lets mess with his knees so he can't run, and then when he tries to get around it, lets mess him up good by giving him headaches and the runs! AWESOME! MOO HAA HAA!
Bitch.
Sensei asked me if I was okay this morning, mentioned I looked a little off. When he asked me how the elbow was my response was, "The ELBOW is fine today sir".
"Something else bugging you?"
Now you have to understand, I feel like a serious putz at times, mostly because I'm always opening my mouth and saying stupid shit or just talking because I'm nervous or realizing that short compact people are much better at this than us tall overweight people. I'm done doing that. I just said, "Nothing worth mentioning Sensei, thanks for asking. I'm tired of whining." He smiled and clapped me on the back adding that if I ever wanted an avenue to bitch, I could email or call him. Which I might do.
I think that's the thing. I think I'm trying to do too many things all at once - Kendo, Jujitsu, and train for the Tri. Since he's a coach as well as being a sensei, he might have a good idea of how to do it all, and do it the right way. I'm just tired of trying and my body giving me the finger everytime I accomplish something. I went to class today, mostly hoping that I wouldn't hurt myself, or mess up something not already hurt.
And to top off my shit story, I was being a total dick to the kids at the store, probably because most of this crap was all tied up in my stomach. Excuse me, I need to go hang out with the offspring. No, they weren't totally blameless in all of this (Gillian being repetitive and Aidan just not using his brain), but they didn't deserve the cold shoulder I gave them when we went out to the store today.