Marriage Manual rule #239 – when your partner is having a shitty day, it doesn’t matter how shitty yours is, give them a hand or a hug, or some space to be alone, or smother them with cuddles, tea, and those biscotti that you get fresh from the farm stand on your way home from class on Sundays.
I think that in relationships, sometimes you get so lost in your own shit, that you don’t really examine what’s going on around you. Remember you are in a partnership that doesn’t run itself, it needs constant work and change and tweaks here and there to handle the bumps that life throws at us. Take care of the kids (if you have them) but remember that at some point, they’ll leave and you’ll still be there with your partner. Too many couples get to a point in their relationship where they turn around one day, look at their partner, and wonder “Who the fuck are you?”, at which point, there’s some serious trouble. Relationships are constant change and work and effort, but in the end how awesome is it to spoon at night, or have them get you a cup of tea, or just ask if you want anything when they’re going downstairs for a drink or a snack.
A lot of people don’t realize what they have until it’s too late, or are so blinded by their own need that they don’t see how the relationship is changing without them. A bit of upheaval is healthy I think, because it means that both of you still care and are willing to work. There should always be a balance, and the wherewithal to understand when it’s your turn to support, and when it’s your turn to lean on the other person.
Thanks, Matt
I’m always afraid of posting stuff like this because I don’t want anyone to think I’m judging them. It’s just thoughts that are shooting around in my brain
Thanks for coming by!
This is just excellent advice! And a good reminder for me, because I tend to get caught up in my own problems and have a tendency to complain to spouse about these problems, while he is more introspective. It’s hard, but I have to learn to zip my mouth when he comes home and instead, focus on him.
And yeah, biscotti is awesome!
Thanks
I think each of us sometimes NEEDS to get caught up in our own stuff sometimes, if only to figure out whether it’s worth being caught up in in the first place.
Wait, did that make sense? Ugh, need more coffee.
Yep. I needed to read this. Thank you.
Terri,
You are most welcome. I’m so glad that my musings can lend you some insight too
M@´s last blog ..Marriage Manual – Be there
hey, you are just doing great to share that. Nice to read your writing, just candid and sincere. I hope married people find this useful and realize their roles.
Hey thanks, I try to be. I look at blogging as my own online therapy, and hope that some people do get something from it they can use. I think that the goal of a marriage is to not really hold us to roles, but be malleable enough to shift when needed, and then shift back when no longer needed.
Wow. I was surprised today when I stumbled across this blog. My husband and I actually wrote a book called The Marriage Manual available on Amazon and at http://www.themarriagemanual.com. Sounds like you have some good ideas. Would you be interested in writing articles or other content for us to include on our web site?
Hey Laurie,
At this point, I have so much on my plate, I’d hate to commit to something and then let you down. At this point, my Marriage Manual entries are just musings that hit me at the moment and blog about them. Feel free to trackback to them if you like on your site.
M@