New Years Eve 1994 – Happy Anniv Honey!

I woke up this morning to put in my half day working from home (thanks Matt!) (yeah, i love working from home) looked out the window, and saw the snow coming down. Reminded me of a day 15 years ago today when it was snowing and there was this girl upstairs in her parents bedroom getting ready to marry me.

We had the ceremony done by a justice of the peace, written by us, in her parents house. About 50 people came, relatives, friends from NJ And TX and NY and just had a really nice day. Hectic until the minute everyone started walking down the stairs. Then it was like magic. From where I was standing in the living room, I Could see everyone in the main hallway watching her come down the stairs. Seeing her when she rounded the corner was like magic, like everything was right and all the planning, stress, and nervousness was all worth it and we would be one finally. We’d lived together for a year, but this was totally different.

The only thing I remember about the ceremony was her. I was so nervous, I almost wiped off the still drying nail polish from her fingernails. That and her dress came undone about halfway through and someone had to refasten it. It was just a collar button, so it wasn’t anything tragic. Everyone had a good chuckle.

Now it’s 15 year later, we’ve moved from Texas to NJ, We’ve had two wonderful children, and I’ve had about 3 or 4 jobs. It’s never been easy, and sometimes it’s been work. It’s always been full of love, friendship, and care. I pledged myself to this wonderful woman long ago in that livingroom across town and I would go back and do it in a second.

I love you my Fae, now and always. These are for you:

You turned life around
made me realize the man
I always could be.

You said yes to me
long ago. Say yes every
day till end of time.

Watching you come back
from numbness and hopeless
is seeing you born.

My partner my friend.
Stay with me now and always.
Put your hand in mine.

Happy 15th baby.
Yours now and always,
Matthew

Dear Internet

So today I woke up an hour later than I usually do because I’ve been staying at my Aunt’s in Long Island. Fae went home on Sunday so she could get to her iron infusion on Monday. I’ve been commuting from Lido Beach and it’s only been taking me 45 min in the morning, talk about a freakin treat. I’m convinced that people in NY don’t know how to drive, but as I think back on it, I realize that most of the moron’s that I encountered on my way home were out of staters.

CLUE TO PEOPLE WHO DRIVE IN THE TRISTATE AREA – THE LEFT LANE IS FOR PASSING!!!!! GET THE F OUT OF THE LANE IF YOU’RE GOING 10 MILES UNDER THE SPEED LIMIT!!!!!

Okay, I feel better now 🙂 I’m especially talking to the idiot with the Volkswagen with the Georgia plates, yeah you Chuckie. MOVE!

The kids have all been hanging out with their cousins, so it’s been a nice visit for them to have all 6 of them around at once. We took a group pic of the kids together for my Mom’s birthday, and it came out really well. I’ll try to post a copy.

So today was pretty uneventful, got to work at 8:15, which for my normal 1.5 hour minimum commute in the AM was miraculous, and had a pretty easy day getting things moving, pushing out finished code and had a meeting or three. Left around 5:30 and was at my parents by 7 for dinner which again, was pretty miraculous. Kids were pretty spent so we came back to my Aunt’s and I had Aidan take a shower because he smelled like a combination of sheep and mud puddle. Going to work on some side projects for a little bit and then crashola.

“Dad, do you know what a weenus is?” is the question I was just asked by my daughter. How the hell am I supposed to answer that. Oh, okay, it’s the “loose skin around your elbow” or so that’s what my 10 going on 30 yr old daughter is telling me. Time for bed Gillian.

Aidan’s on the phone with Fae right now, she’s actually at her BFF’s and I think she might be staying the night. I’m out, night folx.

Stressful Greetings? Ugh

Just shoot me 🙁

No, nothing as bad as I make it out to be. Just a lot of stuff up in the air that’s stressing me to the maximum levels. You ever get hit from so many directions that you don’t feel like eating, you’re constantly nauseous, and every time you take a deep breath you feel like you’re either not getting enough air, or you’re about to throw up? Yeah, passed that phase about a week and a half ago.

I’m coming to the conclusion that one of the factors to my stress level is that I may have social anxiety. Once I get somewhere, I know I’ll be fine, but it’s the lead in to the event whether it be dinner with my inlaws, or holidays at my folx, or a conference presentation I have to do – I always tend to project anything and everything that could possibly go wrong and take that to the nth degree.

So we’re invited to Fae’s cousins wedding in Brooklyn. It’s at the Brooklyn Museum of Art no less – schwank!!! It was a beautiful wedding, with a wonderful Yeminite Jewish ceremony (his father is from Yemen), awesome food and drink hour and excellent dining and dancing. Man, jews know how to party! Just an all around good time. Problem was, I was dreading it. Not because of the people there, I love Fae’s extended family, they’re a blast. But because I was going to have to leave my house and go somewhere and it’s easier to just stay home I felt my stress levels rising. Of course I wasn’t going to give into it, tho the Blizzard we drove through to get home was pretty amazing and almost decided for us, but I’m very glad we were able to make it.

There still exists the social anxiety. I feel like becoming a hermit with my family and just never go out. What is up with that? I think it’s my stress levels being so increased, my elbow problems, and all the shit that is going on with Gillian’s school which I won’t even get into. Plus I’ve not been working out much because my elbow is hurting so bad and mostly because i’m so damn lazy. I know when I don’t regularly exercise, I get really a

I guess I’m just asking for some calming energy sent my way, everyone take a deep breath for me, okay? 🙂

my freakin elbow hurts man!!!

Yes, I know I have titled several of my posts like that. It’s my blog, tough crap. 🙂

Some of you know, but for those who don’t, I was in a car wreck in May of 2007 in which I was hit by an inconsiderate a-hole and some how, after rolling my car three times, I managed to get out of the car and start screaming bloody murder at him. Glass in my hair, my crap strewn all over Route 22 in Bridgewater, yea, I was pretty steamed.

Fast forward to this afternoon where I RE-cursed the a-hole’s name as I got my cortisone shot for the 5th time in my left elbow. Some days it’s just a dull ache. Other days, you breathe on it and it’s excruciating. I got one back in August but went to Kendo camp the next day with my son for 6 days, so needless to say, I didn’t give it enough time to kick in or to do it’s work. We’ve got no class for the next two weeks, so I figured now was the time to do it. I talked to my doctor and he recommended one more and if it didn’t work, he said we could try another procedure called PRP – “The method, which is strikingly straightforward and easy to perform, centers on injecting portions of a patient’s blood directly into the injured area, which catalyzes the body’s instincts to repair muscle, bone and other tissue. Most enticing, many doctors said, is that the technique appears to help regenerate ligament and tendon fibers, which could shorten rehabilitation time and possibly obviate surgery.”

I’m not going to go to the dictionary, but I think obviate means I wouldn’t have to have it, which is just freakin fine with me. Going to see what happens with this round of cortisone, then possibly do the PRP, and then if needed, surgery, but he wants to wait a total of 18 months of which 12 is now past.

We’ll see.

Some of my favorite movies…what’s yours?

I’m one of those people who can:

  • tell you what’s going to happen within 15 min of the movie starting – the Sixth Sense stumped me, I’ll admit.
  • Can identify someone’s voice in a movie or commercial within seconds
  • can get involved with a movie I’ve never seen even if it’s 10 min from the end

Therefore, I’m going to suggest some movies for you to watch.

Leon (The Professional)  – watch the directors cut, it’s much better and delves into the relationship much deeper.  Jean Reno was BRILLIANT.
Amelie – really touching/silly/heartfelt movie.  (Oh yeah, the guy in the movie is the guy in the Fifth Element that tries to hold up Corbin in his apartment – the guy with the hat.  Yeah, I’m that good)
Shaolin Master Killer – okay, this is a corny chop-socky movie from the 70’s but an ABSOLUTE classic kung fu movie.
300 – A Great adaptation of a graphic novel.  If you like the style, watch Sin City as well.
Wedding Crashers – Rachel McAdams, nuff said.  Well, okay, it’s funny as hell too.
Shawshank Redemption – great Stephen King book, wonderful movie.  (Thanks for the reminder Kent)
Seven Samurai – classic Japanese samurai movie.  Must see.
Last Samurai – I have to admit that I actually liked Tom C in this, but Ken Watanabe who plays Katsumoto deserved an oscar for his performance.  Must Must Must See.

So what are some of your favorites?

Almost Columbine…Thank goodness for the kid who came forward…

We were called early this morning by an automated message from our school system telling us that the High School was canceled because of a bomb threat (all other schools were open). I shrugged it off. I shouldn’t have.

This is the town in which I grew up. WE had bomb threats here when I was in high school, called in by a student who didn’t want to take a test or as a prank. This school is 4 miles from our home. It’s never real, when you see it on TV. Thank goodness it didn’t get played out.  Thank goodness for the student who turned him in.

From MyCentralJersey.com

BRIDGEWATER — A 16-year-old junior at Bridgewater-Raritan High School was charged Friday with attempted murder after authorities found an arsenal of weapons at his home after the school resource police officer learned of threats made by the student to commit a “Columbine” at the school on Monday.

The student, whose name is being withheld by authorities because of his age, was also charged with possession of explosives, possession of a destructive device, and attempted widespread damage or injury. The student has been lodged at the Middlesex County Juvenile Detention Facility.

Somerset County Prosecutor Wayne J. Forrest said during a search of the teenager’s residence, police seized various shotgun shells, bullets, black powder and explosive devices, as well as materials that could act as explosive device components, illustrations on assembling explosive devices, tools, lists of materials and the juvenile’s computer. (ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?  WHERE ARE THE PARENTS?!?!  “No Jimmy, I won’t disturb your stockpile…”)

A preliminary search of the high school was conducted early this morning and a decision to close the school was made until a more thorough search could be conducted. This afternoon a thorough search was conducted by K-9 units from the Somerset County Sheriff’s Office, New Jersey State Police, Federal Bureau of Investigation and the Union County Sheriff’s Office. The search of the high school did not find for any explosives.

The investigation is continuing by the Bridgewater Township Police Department and the Somerset County Prosecutor’s Office and anyone with information is asked to contact the Bridgewater Township Police Department at (908)722-411, the Somerset County Prosecutor’s Office at 908-231-7100, or the Somerset County Crime Stoppers’ Tip Line at 1-888-577-TIPS (8477) or online at www.888577tips.org or www.scpo.net and click on either “Crime Stoppers” or “TIPS HOTLINE”.

Update on HS Bomb Threat, 12/11/09, 5:00 PM The police completed a full search of the high school facilities, including Basilone field house at approximately 4:00 PM today. Nothing was found and the school has been declared safe. All Friday evening events are still cancelled. Saturday events will be held. There will be a police presence at the high school on Saturday and Monday to provide an added sense of comfort and security for students, parents, and staff. The principal will address the student body Monday morning regarding the incident. As I stated before, a BR student is in custody, but I can share nothing more at this time. I would like to thank the Bridgewater Police Department for responding so quickly and conducting a very thorough investigation and search. Finally, I must once again thank the student who came forward and reported this information. We are all very proud of this student for doing the right thing and acting in the interests of fellow students and staff.

Sincerely,

Michael Schilder, Superintendent

I’m a lucky man

Too many times we sit by and let things pass and don’t bring attention to them.  Well, at least I do.  Am I lazy?  Am I afraid of bringing attention to myself?

Regardless, I’m not going to do it today.  Today is the 20th anniversary of my wife getting clean and sober.  Yep, she was 21 yrs old and already had the need to give up drugs and alcohol, so needless to say, it was a big deal.  After all of the roadblocks the universe has put in her way – alcohol & drug addiction, overeating, anxiety, depression, and now health issues with iron and ferratin deficiencies – she is so much more now than when I first met her.

She’s grown, changed, slid back, pulled herself up by her bootstraps, succeeded, failed, and yet through it all is that desire, that will, to be better than the day before.  I know that it’s been rough, especially the last year or so with trying to get her anxiety/depression meds right, and her iron levels, but I see more of the woman I fell in love with, wanted to marry, now than I have seen in a long time.  She’s understanding, caring, and loving in a way that just hasn’t been possible before.  It’s good to see her come out of that battered and unemotional shell.

And she’s been clean and sober now for TWENTY YEARS!

You amaze me honey, I’m so proud of the woman you’ve become and I look forward to the future with you.

Your,
Matthew

Who/What do you read? Part I

So in the spirit of giving, I thought I would give a shoutout to some people I enjoy following and keeping up with.

Mike @ Unraveling Mysteries – he’s writing a lot for Associated Content, read his stuff there too.
Rhonda @ the BS Cafe – CRACKS ME UP, period!
Pat @ Annoyingly Boring – he’s doing a project where he takes a picture and posts it every single day.  Been cool to follow.
Orlund @ Dad’s Workbench – his wife is expecting their 2nd
Terri Terri – you cannot read her blog and be in a bad mood.

MLBTR – Baseball Trade Rumors.  Okay, so I’m a geek, so what.
Sox & Pinstripes – Two fans of the greatest baseball rivalry speak about their teams, and both of them make great points, even if one of them IS a Yankee fan.
Failblog
ICanHasCheezBurger

Now it’s your turn – what do you read on a daily basis?  Share!

What’s Up?

Got a lot of stuff going on at work, mucho deadlines by the end of the year for projects beginning in January.  Plus I’m trying to get this huge one off my desk so we can concentrate on some cool stuff in 2010.  Going to be working with a lot of data moving it around, making it easier to read, etc.

Fae’s ferratin levels have increased from the iron infusions from 9 to 11, which is good, but this Tuesday is her last one for a month.  The doctor want to see if the ones she’s gotten have kick started her system to produce more ferratin or no.  She’ll go in for more blood tests in a few weeks to see what the deal is.  She’s feeling much better one day, runs around like she normally would, and then the next day she’s wiped and can barely get out of bed.  She’s been taking it easier and it’s SLOWLY getting a little better.  Not as much as we’d like, but she’s getting up when the kids get home and making them something to eat and be with them while they do their homework which is lightyears from where she was in the beginning of the year.

Still feeling like Fat Bastard from Austin Powers lately, but I’m being more careful about some of the things I eat, and drinking a lot of water.  Now if I could exercise regularly, I’d be all set.  My elbow is still killing me, I think I might have to go in for another cortizone shot, but I really don’t want to.

Hope this finds you and yours well.