What to do when you’re pissed?
So I've been using this blog for online therapy for a while now, and for the most part it works pretty well. I start writing about something and by the time I'm done with the post, I feel a lot better. Not necessarily because I've found the meaning of life, or solved world hunger. It's mostly because I've sorted through my feelings and emotions and thoughts and at least put them in order. BTW, what's the difference between feelings and emotions?
Anyway!
So, what do you do if you want to work out something that you can't write about on your blog, or at least don't feel comfortable about writing on your blog? Obviously I can't blog about work because I don't want to get Dooced. Plus I like to think that I'm fairly professional and I don't think it's right to do that anyway, good or bad, because that company info, not public info. I can't blog about friends or family because I just don't want to expose them or talk about them in a public forum whether it's positive or negative. Fae has told me I can say anything that I want, but she's always been different 
It's been several weeks, lots of stressful situations, pending crap that never wants to seem to happen, and a general feeling of the world is out to get me, take all my toys and give them to other people. Like the universe is sticking out it's tongue at me or giving me the universal finger.
Wah wah wah, why don't I whine a little more?
Okay, I'm fat too 
Well, I'm heavier than I have been in a while, mostly because I haven't gone to Kendo in a month due to a huge work project one week, a blizzard the next week, cancelled class the 3rd, and having to take my wife to the hospital with a cluster headache last night. Yeah, that part sucked, she scared me when I got home and although I didn't like being at the hospital until midnight last night, I'd do anything for that woman.
"But Matt, you have a gym downstairs from your office in White Plains."
Yeah Yeah Yeah, I'm good at making up excuses, did I mention that?
So what is this post about really? It's about me bitching in general because somehow in some small way, it makes me feel better. I have a really bad tendency to let things sit, let them fester until I get so upset/resentful/pissed off that I say or do something stupid. Either that or I sulk around until someone asks me what's wrong, and then I usually say "NOTHING!" or pretend that everyone knows what I'm pissed about.
Yeah, I"m lame, sue me. I feel bad because I feel like I'm turning into the Anti-TerriTerriTerri. She's a wonderful woman who is always so upbeat and positive. I'm hoping that my goal of working out and eating better will lead to me feeling better about myself, give me a better position to deal with crap that I have to, and allow me to operate from a better place.
I think one of the keys to my future is setting expectations, and making sure they're realistic. Things I have thought to be one way have turned out to be only that way in my head and I end up getting slapped in the face. Stings too. Do I lower my expectations? Do I stop taking crap, or just not sweat the shit I can't do anything about? Speak up when I see unfairness or bullshit? Maybe a little of all of it. I've always been Mr. Nonconfrontation, mostly because when I do bitch about something, I think a lot of it is in my own head or I've been stewing on it for so long, it's a lot worse in my own head.
If you made it down to this part, I'm truly impressed, and truly grateful that you've listened to me spew. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot to be thankful for. Problem is, the crap feels heavier right now, even if it's not in reality. This is my pity party and you're invited, but thankfully you don't have to stay