What to do when you’re pissed?
So I've been using this blog for online therapy for a while now, and for the most part it works pretty well. I start writing about something and by the time I'm done with the post, I feel a lot better. Not necessarily because I've found the meaning of life, or solved world hunger. It's mostly because I've sorted through my feelings and emotions and thoughts and at least put them in order. BTW, what's the difference between feelings and emotions?
Anyway!
So, what do you do if you want to work out something that you can't write about on your blog, or at least don't feel comfortable about writing on your blog? Obviously I can't blog about work because I don't want to get Dooced. Plus I like to think that I'm fairly professional and I don't think it's right to do that anyway, good or bad, because that company info, not public info. I can't blog about friends or family because I just don't want to expose them or talk about them in a public forum whether it's positive or negative. Fae has told me I can say anything that I want, but she's always been different 
It's been several weeks, lots of stressful situations, pending crap that never wants to seem to happen, and a general feeling of the world is out to get me, take all my toys and give them to other people. Like the universe is sticking out it's tongue at me or giving me the universal finger.
Wah wah wah, why don't I whine a little more?
Okay, I'm fat too 
Well, I'm heavier than I have been in a while, mostly because I haven't gone to Kendo in a month due to a huge work project one week, a blizzard the next week, cancelled class the 3rd, and having to take my wife to the hospital with a cluster headache last night. Yeah, that part sucked, she scared me when I got home and although I didn't like being at the hospital until midnight last night, I'd do anything for that woman.
"But Matt, you have a gym downstairs from your office in White Plains."
Yeah Yeah Yeah, I'm good at making up excuses, did I mention that?
So what is this post about really? It's about me bitching in general because somehow in some small way, it makes me feel better. I have a really bad tendency to let things sit, let them fester until I get so upset/resentful/pissed off that I say or do something stupid. Either that or I sulk around until someone asks me what's wrong, and then I usually say "NOTHING!" or pretend that everyone knows what I'm pissed about.
Yeah, I"m lame, sue me. I feel bad because I feel like I'm turning into the Anti-TerriTerriTerri. She's a wonderful woman who is always so upbeat and positive. I'm hoping that my goal of working out and eating better will lead to me feeling better about myself, give me a better position to deal with crap that I have to, and allow me to operate from a better place.
I think one of the keys to my future is setting expectations, and making sure they're realistic. Things I have thought to be one way have turned out to be only that way in my head and I end up getting slapped in the face. Stings too. Do I lower my expectations? Do I stop taking crap, or just not sweat the shit I can't do anything about? Speak up when I see unfairness or bullshit? Maybe a little of all of it. I've always been Mr. Nonconfrontation, mostly because when I do bitch about something, I think a lot of it is in my own head or I've been stewing on it for so long, it's a lot worse in my own head.
If you made it down to this part, I'm truly impressed, and truly grateful that you've listened to me spew. Don't get me wrong, I have a lot to be thankful for. Problem is, the crap feels heavier right now, even if it's not in reality. This is my pity party and you're invited, but thankfully you don't have to stay
February 24th, 2010 - 16:15
Matt, it’s your blog, cry if you want to. (Besides, we’re all friends here, so bitch away!)
Really though, I think the trick is keeping it all in perspective. We can’t control everything that happens around us. Sometimes we can’t control any of it. We can internalize these things and let them fester, or we can learn to shrug and smile.
Blogging is good for a little communal support, but for me it’s usually not enough to get me out of a lingering funk. For that, I need physical activity, and for most of my adult life I’ve found therapeutic value in projects around the house and yard. I like to build stuff. There’s something about the smell of fresh-cut lumber that breathes new life into me. Then, once Mr. Grumpy has left the premesis, I try to redirect my energy into the family. Loved your post about making sushi – I’m going to have to give that a try.
I hang onto the belief that life is good, sometimes we just need help finding it. And, if all else fails, try one of these: http://mistymorningfog.wordpress.com/on-tap/worlds-strongest-beer/
Cheers!
February 24th, 2010 - 18:18
Hey Michael,
Thanks
I wish I still drank, gave it up like 16 years ago tho been thinking of taking it up again lately 
I have done some form of martial arts for the last 20 years, I haven’t done much lately which is the real root of all of this I think. Just need to get off my ass and do something.
About the sushi, it makes a mess, but it tastes so good when it’s home made and the rice is warm
.-= M@´s last blog ..What to do when you’re pissed? =-.
February 24th, 2010 - 18:25
I’m Ms. Non-Confrontation, so I can relate. When I’m forced to confront, I am sweating, shaking and end up crying. Not the face of steel, let me tell you!
So yeah, I guess I cry when I’m pissed. I’m girly that way.
February 24th, 2010 - 19:21
I took up karate with the kids several years ago. Enjoyed it more than I can describe (certainly more than the kids did). Blew my knee out practicing a spinning kick move, had surgery for a torn meniscus, and the knee has never fully recovered. Can’t risk re-injuring it, otherwise I’d go back to the studio in a heartbeat.
.-= Michael´s last blog ..Surfing Pandora =-.
February 24th, 2010 - 19:42
I hung on to he end because I thought you were going to solve world hunger.
.-= secret agent woman´s last blog ..Rules are important. For other people. =-.
February 24th, 2010 - 20:18
You are SO much like me! I recognized myself in your description of being non-confrontational, of holding it all in, and especially in the way when asked what’s wrong, you say, “Nothing!” That is exactly what I do!
I don’t think this post sounds pissy at all. It’s just your reality right now. And who wouldn’t be bogged down by all that stress?
And just because I tend to keep my writing upbeat, doesn’t mean that’s the whole picture of me.
There’s a lot I can’t write about, and a lot I’d be really nervous writing about. So I just write all the vanilla and safe stuff.
I hope life eases up on you soon!
.-= terri´s last blog ..Welcome Challenges =-.
February 24th, 2010 - 21:55
Michael – You might want to try Aikido. It’s a lot less jumping and messing with twisting your knees and yet it still kicks much ass.
Thank you all for coming back and visiting. I realized I hadn’t been posting and it was really bumming me out because I was afraid I might not ‘see’ any of you again
Life’s getting easier already just having vented in this post. Made a couple mental adjustments and will make several physical ones starting tomorrow. As long as it doesn’t snow. Again. For the 9 millionth time it seems
Tho Terri’s got me beat in the snow dept 
.-= M@´s last blog ..What to do when you’re pissed? =-.
February 25th, 2010 - 09:23
Heh… I can relate. The truth of the matter is, being upbeat and happy all the time is not a realistic expectation. As Terri said, there’s a lot that goes on that will drag you down. If you’re gonna write a blog about yourself, it’s expected that there will be negative things as well (if you’re being realistic).
I always worry about writing about my place of work too. That’s why I never write the name of where I work or mention individual names. I try to keep it as vague as possible for exactly the reasons you mentioned. Again, though, work is often the main source of stress.
I’m pretty non-confrontational myself. I’ll bitch and cuss and carry on to myself, but I try not to unleash it on others. I usually end up doing exactly what you did here; writing about it, just to get my thoughts sorted out. Either that, or poor Julia gets to hear about it. I love that girl. No idea how she puts up with me.
Hope things start looking up for you.
.-= Mike´s last blog ..Who Needs Sleep? =-.