Hoping for the best
On May 31st, 2007, an inconsiderate prick hit my car with a delivery truck causing me to flip three times. Not spin, flip. Since then, I've been feeling vulnerable, old, achy, and in slowly increasing amounts - in pain. My elbow is killing me right now, maybe in response to what's up for tomorrow, or because it's been about 3 months since my last cortisone shot. Whatever the reason, I'm hurting, I'm scared, and I just want it to all go away.
I'm tired of favoring it, or not doing certain things knowing they're going to hurt. I"m tired of feeling vulnerable and not vital. Feeling feeble and not powerful. Have I used it all as an excuse at times to not work out - you fuggin betcha. I'm good at using excuses. Am I going to turn my life around tomorrow and make that the first day in the rest of my life? No, probably not.
I'll tell you what is going to happen. It's going to hurt when I'm done. I'm going to come out of the operating room and I'm going to be pinioned by a restrictive sling, I'm going to take pain killers, and I"m going to hurt. People keep saying that the first day will be uncomfortable and it'll get progressively better, but I don't believe it. Not emotionally. Logically, I know everything will be fine, that I'm doing the right thing, and that things will all work out. Emotionally, I'm a 8 yr old, wanting to grab my Curious George and run into my closet and lock the door. Having a flashlight of course. I don't want it to hurt. Why do I have to go through this? The accident wasn't my fault. I always try to see the positive things in situations. What's positive about this? AND to top it all off, I have to wait till NOON to even show up at the hospital, and I have to stop eating at midnight.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! This sucks sports fans.
Okay, the 8 yr old went to bed because he was a crank pot. Whew. Sometimes when things are bugging me and I don't know what it is, writing helps. Well shit, that sucks. I"m going to have to write one handed. Ugh, the 8 yr old just woke up and wants a glass of milk.
I'm going to go watch a movie and eat a bowl of cheerios and hold my wife's hand. 
ps - if you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm having surgery on my elbow to repair some torn stuff around the bone. I"m not psyched, obviously.