Hoping for the best
On May 31st, 2007, an inconsiderate prick hit my car with a delivery truck causing me to flip three times. Not spin, flip. Since then, I've been feeling vulnerable, old, achy, and in slowly increasing amounts - in pain. My elbow is killing me right now, maybe in response to what's up for tomorrow, or because it's been about 3 months since my last cortisone shot. Whatever the reason, I'm hurting, I'm scared, and I just want it to all go away.
I'm tired of favoring it, or not doing certain things knowing they're going to hurt. I"m tired of feeling vulnerable and not vital. Feeling feeble and not powerful. Have I used it all as an excuse at times to not work out - you fuggin betcha. I'm good at using excuses. Am I going to turn my life around tomorrow and make that the first day in the rest of my life? No, probably not.
I'll tell you what is going to happen. It's going to hurt when I'm done. I'm going to come out of the operating room and I'm going to be pinioned by a restrictive sling, I'm going to take pain killers, and I"m going to hurt. People keep saying that the first day will be uncomfortable and it'll get progressively better, but I don't believe it. Not emotionally. Logically, I know everything will be fine, that I'm doing the right thing, and that things will all work out. Emotionally, I'm a 8 yr old, wanting to grab my Curious George and run into my closet and lock the door. Having a flashlight of course. I don't want it to hurt. Why do I have to go through this? The accident wasn't my fault. I always try to see the positive things in situations. What's positive about this? AND to top it all off, I have to wait till NOON to even show up at the hospital, and I have to stop eating at midnight.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! This sucks sports fans.
Okay, the 8 yr old went to bed because he was a crank pot. Whew. Sometimes when things are bugging me and I don't know what it is, writing helps. Well shit, that sucks. I"m going to have to write one handed. Ugh, the 8 yr old just woke up and wants a glass of milk.
I'm going to go watch a movie and eat a bowl of cheerios and hold my wife's hand. 
ps - if you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm having surgery on my elbow to repair some torn stuff around the bone. I"m not psyched, obviously.
June 29th, 2010 - 09:29
I had surgery last summer- dreaded it, too. But, in fact – it hurt a lot for the first few days and then gradually got better. And in the long run, you’ll probably feel LOTS better. Good luck!
June 29th, 2010 - 09:35
Hoping for the surgery to work! Good luck; I’m a big baby too
June 29th, 2010 - 15:54
Yeah, you’re right -initially, after the surgery and for a couple of days too, it’s gonna hurt, probably a good bit then too. But your friends are also right in that it should definitely make a big difference once the healing really kicks in! Hope things go well for you and you have a speedy recovery. I’m waiting to be called to go for pre-operative tests -a whole bunch of ‘em -down in Pittsburgh and then within 30 days of those tests, will be having major surgery too -a bit different from yours though as I have to have a hysterectomy and probably or maybe just possible, some hernia repair work too. I’m psyched up for it all to happen and soon -right now -so if they want a fairly happy patient, the hospital would be well advised to call me soon to have the tests and then the surgery done. If they wait too long, my brooding side will kick in and I’ll be antsy, nervous, miserable and crabby as I wait for their call!
June 29th, 2010 - 19:24
thanks:) typing one handed, everything went fine:)
July 2nd, 2010 - 22:58
I know how long this has been hurting you and I think you’re doing the right thing. You deserve better than having to get a cortisone shot every few months just so you can end up feeling mediocre at best.