Who am i?
I'm 42. According to the Douglas Adams, I'm the answer to life, the universe, and everything.
I'm a husband/partner/friend to a wonderful woman.
I'm a father to two of the best kids I could have wished for.
I'm a little nauseous right now from way too much good food at a party I went to for the daughter of a friend of ours.
I'm a good friend.
I work hard for my money(you're welcome, hope its stuck in your head now too)
I finally settled the accident case I was involved in from 2007.
I'm getting old and I don't feel like I've been doing much about that, which I hope to remedy in the days ahead.
I worry about 2012 being the disaster everyone is freaking about.
I believe in spit bubbles, playing battleship, and the power of chips ahoy cookies and milk.
I still play D&D with my son.
I still have a crush on Mariko from the series Shogun.
I love japanese culture, but I'm feeling more irish as I get older. I'm at a Cherish the Ladies concert right now and I keep getting the chills. Btw, go see them if you can, they're wonderful.
Free…well, my left arm is at least :)
This is me for 7 whole days, wrapped up so freakin tight that I had to take off my wedding ring. No fun having swollen sausage fingers. The outer part was a splint with ace bandages wrapped around the whole mess.
Yeah, that's me at work this Tues, my first day back. I was ready to go too. Talk about cabin fever!
Here's me, I'm finally free:) Yes, I have the ring back on. The incision is kinda nasty actually, but it's healing and I need to leave it open. I just hope I don't freak anyone out at work tomorrow:) You should have seen it when they pulled it all off. It was really weird man, all the blood rushing back in and all wrinkled from the cloth being wrapped around it for a week.
Dude, I canNOT imagine having a hard cast on for multiple weeks. No Flippin way dude.
day 2 – oww
woke up this morning after 8 solid hours of sleep to serious discomfort in my arm. couldnt wait toeat so I could take a percocet. tho in truth, they dont do a whole lot.
feeling okay at this point since I took it a while ago, going to watch band of brothers today, the whole thing:)
I have been under for two things but don't think Ive ever had a breathing tube. My throat HURTS!
btw - this is all one handed, so excuse the no caps and crappy punctuation. thank goodness for spellck:)
Hoping for the best
On May 31st, 2007, an inconsiderate prick hit my car with a delivery truck causing me to flip three times. Not spin, flip. Since then, I've been feeling vulnerable, old, achy, and in slowly increasing amounts - in pain. My elbow is killing me right now, maybe in response to what's up for tomorrow, or because it's been about 3 months since my last cortisone shot. Whatever the reason, I'm hurting, I'm scared, and I just want it to all go away.
I'm tired of favoring it, or not doing certain things knowing they're going to hurt. I"m tired of feeling vulnerable and not vital. Feeling feeble and not powerful. Have I used it all as an excuse at times to not work out - you fuggin betcha. I'm good at using excuses. Am I going to turn my life around tomorrow and make that the first day in the rest of my life? No, probably not.
I'll tell you what is going to happen. It's going to hurt when I'm done. I'm going to come out of the operating room and I'm going to be pinioned by a restrictive sling, I'm going to take pain killers, and I"m going to hurt. People keep saying that the first day will be uncomfortable and it'll get progressively better, but I don't believe it. Not emotionally. Logically, I know everything will be fine, that I'm doing the right thing, and that things will all work out. Emotionally, I'm a 8 yr old, wanting to grab my Curious George and run into my closet and lock the door. Having a flashlight of course. I don't want it to hurt. Why do I have to go through this? The accident wasn't my fault. I always try to see the positive things in situations. What's positive about this? AND to top it all off, I have to wait till NOON to even show up at the hospital, and I have to stop eating at midnight.
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! This sucks sports fans.
Okay, the 8 yr old went to bed because he was a crank pot. Whew. Sometimes when things are bugging me and I don't know what it is, writing helps. Well shit, that sucks. I"m going to have to write one handed. Ugh, the 8 yr old just woke up and wants a glass of milk.
I'm going to go watch a movie and eat a bowl of cheerios and hold my wife's hand. 
ps - if you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm having surgery on my elbow to repair some torn stuff around the bone. I"m not psyched, obviously.
Taking it, one day at a time.
Went to various doctors and it looks like physical therapy for the back, and I'm fit as far as the mental therapist says. I'm glad I went to talk to her  Said my instincts are doing well, that I don't have any post traumatic stress disorder, and that I'm handling things properly. If I feel like I'm regressing or depressed, I'm going to go back, but she said I'm doing well.
What she said I did right:
1) Don't avoid the scene. ( I went there that day to get some of my stuff that was on the curb:)
2) Don't avoid talking about it - what happened, how you felt then, how you feel now. (I think I retold this story about 12 times the first day back at work)
3) Share the experience with people, talk to people you trust, get it out of you, so it doesn't poison you. (did this till I turned blue - for those who listened, thanks)
4) Get back in the car  (check)
5) Try to restore as much normalcy to your routine as possible. (She said that me going back to work on Monday was a bit of a stretch, but that she thought I was ready after the game on Sunday.)
6) Don't feel badly if you aren't doing great. Don't let it get you down if you don't spring back immediately. (check, check)
7) Talk, Talk, Talk. Examine your feelings, understand them as genuine, and see ways of validating them without being paralyzed by them. (yeah, checks all around)
and a bunch of other stuff.
I'm feeling pretty good tho. Physically my back is a bit sore, but I've got a physical therapy session on monday, so I'm hoping some time with them will get it back into shape.
We're kicking around the idea of me using Mass Transit to commute for a while. Yes, I'll be at the mercy of the public transit system, but I think I'll be okay. That way, we don't necessarily have to buy a car right away. Probably going to get a piece of crap to drive back and forth to the bus station. Yeah, bus. It takes an hour to get to Port Authority, I walk to Grand Central, and then a 35-50 min train to White Plains. If I leave Bridgewater at 6am, I'll be in the office before 8.
Pain? Yeah, somewhat. But I think it's worth doing for the summer, see how things go. If it's not working, then we'll deal with it. Plus it's 3-4 hours of dev time that I can do. Pick up some contract work, make some extra cash. I'm going to need to because it'll cost me 500 to commute where as I was only paying around 300 for gas, but I think in the long run, it'll work nicely.
Thanks for caring guys. I mean it.
Till Now…06/06
Okay, I was trying to be good, but too many things happened.
Gilli Update: Gillian is a new person and it's not even been all that long for her new diet. She's gluten free now and she's got 1000x more energy and pep. Nice to have my little girl back again. Her cheeks are filling out, and she's running around like a looney. She started the fitness challenge at the gym this month and after a few days is feeling pretty darned good.
Cheerleading Update: There is someone out there listening to me:) No only did they decide to have Aidan's team not travel next year, they also decided to have their practices on the same weekend day, so our weekends during the season are not going to be completely shot anymore. Hopefully, my parents won't disown me now:)
Aidan Update: He's moving to another school next year, Eisenhower Intermediate, so they're getting them ready to move up. They had all the kids try several different instruments and they decided that Aidan will play the Baritone, based on how he did with the other things. Hate to tell him that he's going to have to lug that thing to and from school!! At least he doesn't have to walk to school, uphill both ways, in the snow to get there, the bus comes to the corner at 8:45!!! Talk about a sleep in!
Fae Update: She's been a tagging fool! She's set up a lot of locations for the kids at the gym to tag at, which puts money into our account. Woo! She's also become the goto person at the gym for anything having to do with tagging, which is cool. Still losing weight too:)
Me Update: Well, if you've been following along lately, you've seen that I was in a serious accident last Thursday. My shoulders are still hurting, my neck is still and driving is not a fun chore, especially since I rolled my car three times. Driving 1.5 hours each way is not fun at all. I'm getting through it, but I'm going to see the doc about my back, and another one about how to deal with some of the stress of the trauma.
Yesterday was better, hopefully tomorrow will be good too:)
Day 6
I was doing better until around 10 this morning, and now my back is starting to hurt. I have a feeling that I have strained the muscles between my shoulder blades and in my neck. Driving and sitting up are a whole lot of fun.
grrr.
Dr. appts tomorrow with family doc for my back, and a therapist for my head. Still having bad dreams, want to talk to her about stuff. Going to go home and take a muscle relaxant to see if it takes the sting out of this.
I’m still here:)
Fate? Destiny? Random Act of rolloveredness?
I don't know.
For those of you who are trying to figure out what the hell I am talking about, I rolled my car three times on Thursday and walked away with a few scratches.
first post
second post
photo gallery - http://www.cushingonline.com/gallery/ and click on Matt's Wreck 05/31/07
So, it's Sunday, and I've had several days to adjust and get used to it all. Do I want to forget it all? No. Do I want to get on with my life and not let this cripple me? Yeah, I'd say that was my best bet.
My friend Alex had given me tickets a while back to the Mets game today. I wasn't going to go, but my wife suggested I should, if only to concentrate on something else. She was right. It allowed me to break up the constant mulling over of the events that I had been doing since the accident, and let me watch as the Mets lost to the Diamondbacks. Which sucked, but I had a good time with my friend Doug, and we talked about a lot of stuff, some accident, some not.
I think that the cure that everyone needs that has been in a rollover accident, is a ballpark dog. That hotdog was probably the best thing I have ever tasted simply because it felt safe. I'm not sure that's going to make sense to anyone, but I think that's what I have been doing since it happened. Building back up my safety zone. I've been conversing with a girl in Michigan who found my blog who had a similar experience on Friday, and it's been very helpful to be able to talk to someone who has been through the same exact thing as me. Not that my wife and parents and friends have been insensitive or not understanding. It's just impossible to understand fully what you've been through unless you've done it.
I'm not over it, nor do I think I will be for a while. I think that I am okay now tho. I had a really good time today at the game, and hugged my wife and kids extra today when I got home.
Now I think I am going to go have some oreo cookies and milk and go to bed. I was going to say 'crash' but I think I've done enough of that lately.
Wow…
It's saturday, and I didn't have a very good day today. Spent the night reliving the accident 11 or 12 times. Not alot of fun, nor a good night asleep. I think today was my 'shock' day.
if you have no idea what I am talking about, read the previous posts. I rolled my car three times and walked away with a few scratches.
I've been thinking about it all day. Why did I survive? Is there something special I need to do? Was it the hand of god, a guardian angel, my own personal mojo, some esoteric magic that saved me? At first, I really didn't give a crap what it was, I survived. I was well enough to yell across the road at the driver of the truck, many obscenities that I am not going to repeat on my mostly PG blog.
I was slammed into, violently, practically tossed into the curb and rolled across three lanes of traffic. How did I not get hit by another car? How am I not dead, or least injured in some way. In a way, strangely enough, I feel a little guilty because I feel like I should be more injured than I am. Almost as if I am upset because I went through all of that and only came out with a few scratches. Granted...my car is toast. But except for some soreness in my left shoulder, I'm walking around fine. I went in the pool today for goodness sake.
How did I feel going through all of that? What was going through my head as I tumbled over and over in my car? I was sad. Sad that I didn't get a chance to tell my wife I loved her before I left for my appointment. Sad that I didn't get a chance to play with my kids more than I have been. Screaming at the top of my lungs, all I could think was how sad I was, and how much I wanted to get through this.
And what happened? I came to a stop on the tires, bent out of shape as they were, turned off the car, got out quickly, and started screaming at the guy in the truck that hit me. What did I do wrong? Why did I deserve to go through this torture? I am still not sure why it happened, and the more I think about it, the less I want to know. I definitely think it's making me think about the things around me, how lucky I am with everything that I have, how lucky I was to survive, and how important cherishing the people in your life that make it special. No, I'm not about to go on the speaking tour about how an accident change my life. I am going to stop and smell the roses, and play more, and tell my wife I love her and my kids and my friends and parents.
All I wanted to do while the car was rolling was to get out and go home and hug my family. I did that, and I am thankful and grateful for it. I think it's time to get on with my life and see why fate spared me.
Seatbelts and Side Airbags and flying glass?
Oh My!
Guess who just got back from the hospital? I rolled my car three times, across three lanes of traffic and got out of my car and started yelling at the guy in the truck who cut across three lanes of traffic.
I should probably start at the beginning. I went this morning, to give a blood sample to check for Celiac disease. We're trying to narrow down who has it, and where it came from. (if you are raising your eyebrows, look at the older posts concerning Gillian) I was headed down Route 22 towards home so I could pick up a Starbucks for Fae on my way home. I'm in the middle lane, and I heard a horn loudly in front and to my right. Next thing I know, there's a huge delivery truck in front of me, halfway into the left lane. I swerved into the left lane, but it was too late. I clipped my right passenger back door into his front wheel, bounced off the curb in the left lane, and rolled three times across three lanes of traffic. How I didn't get hit by another car, I am still not sure of.
Fae's going to fill my prescrips and said she'd slide by to take a pic of the car. I'll post it later.
So, what does this all mean?
Things smell a little better, hugs feel better, life is just a little more more sweet and precious.
Did my life flash before my eyes? No, and honestly I was a little disappointed by that. I guess it ended so quickly that I didn't have time for it to start:) I just yelled at the top of my lungs, praying for it to end, praying to anyone/anything that would listen that I wouldn't be killed. I kept thinking that something is going to pierce me, something fly out of nowhere and stab me or do something just as bad.
I mostly felt sad because I wanted to tell my wife I loved her, and tell my kids, and parents, relatives and friends as well. That, and that I appreciate and cherish everything she does for me.
Okay, the percoset is starting to kick in, I'm going to try to sleep for a while.
update: got some sleep, feeling a bit better. Muscles still sore and tight, but hopefully a good night's sleep will make the 'It's going to be worse tomorrow' that everyone talked about a little less hellish.
look at the back door, the panel is sheared off, that's where he hit me and spun me around before I did all of my flips
most of the flipping - pretty sure this is where I landed more than once.
one of two panes of glass - that survived the whole thing.
still not sure how I walked away from this one.
