Maybe 4 hours

If I was lucky.  That’s the amount of sleep I got on Saturday night.

So it’s 6pm on Halloween night, and Gilli’s first friend shows up.  I”m already realizing this is going to be a long night because she’s a) afraid of our cats, b) never had a sleepover, and c) has never been trick or treating before.  Yeah, I know, she’s 10.

I’ll give the 1$ version instead of going into lots of details.  They all got there, made buttons for their candy bags so they could tell who’s was who’s, went out trick or treating with my wife for about 2 hours – IN THE RAIN – came back, ate pizza, watched some movies, and finally crashed at 12.

The only problem with this was we couldn’t let the cats out for fear that her one friend would scream bloody murder and wake them all up.  So what did I do?

After listening to them for about an hour, I booted my son into my bed, grabbed the cats with food water and litter box, and suffered through 7 hours of scratching at the door, meowing, and generally trying to get out all night.  Finally woke up around 6:30 and made the girls pancakes.  They all ended up leaving by 10 or so, and I started cleaning up for friends coming over that afternoon.  Yeah, I know  That’s why I left Fae to sleep, so someone would be coherent for our friends coming over.  Tho I had a bunch of coffee and was mostly okay.

That little girl will never know what I went through to make sure that her first Halloween, her first sleepover was as positive as possible.  The most important thing was to make my daughters first sleep over a positive experience, and by helping out her friend and losing a little sleep, I think I did it.  She even came over and gave me a cheek-kiss at one point.

“What was that for?”
“I know you didn’t get a lot of sleep because you wanted my friend to not be scared.  I really do have the best Daddy.” and hugged me.

I truly understood what fatherhood is all about, and losing a little sleep was well worth a group of happy little girls, especially the little one that was sitting in my lap at that moment.

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry, dadBlogs | 8 Comments »

Daddeeeeee!

Sorry I haven’t been writing much lately.  Fae’s having issues with some of her meds not working, so she’s been out of commission for a while, which leads me to pick up the slack.  It’s tiring, but it makes you take a good look at your priorities.

One of the things that helps me in my day to day is the ability to sit and write, and I haven’t been because I’m too busy trying with other things.  One of the other things is the reason for my post.  That little update blurb was longer than I had intended, but I haven’t written in a while and it all just comes flowing out sometimes.

ANYWAY!

My son Aidan is 12, and my daughter Gillian is 9.  One of the coolest moments of my life was when I was living with Fae in Houston and Aidan was a toddler, he heard me open the door.  I heard his little feet padding through the living room and him yelling “Da da da da da DAH!” as he came around the corner and ran/fell into my arms.  Definitely one of the coolest moments as a father, well as a human being:)

Now that they’re older, I expected that they wouldn’t do it.  Both kids STILL greet me at the door yelling DADDY! as I come in.  We have a two floor condo, and you have to go up 7 steps from the front door to the main floor, and depending on who gets there first, they usually hit the first three steps and dive into my arms.  I’ve learned to put my stuff down as soon as I come in the door.  It’s fun when Aidan gets there first and Gillian jumps on him so I end up carrying both of them up

Will it stop?  I sure hope not.  It just about makes my day sometimes.  It’s weird to think I have kids that are this old, and at other times it feels totally right.

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry, dadBlogs | 2 Comments »

Who am I?

My name is Matthew Paul Cushing and I am sitting in the Bridgewater Public Library in Central Jersey waiting for my daughter to finish up her acting class.  No, I don’t want to have a Hollywood daughter, she just loves acting.  I”m in a bad mood, so if the tone of this email upsets you, tough shit, it’s my blog.

I’ve found over the last several years, that blogging is good therapy.  Do I expect the golden apple?  Duh.  Do I expect that everything will be fixed by the end of this post?  Of course not.  I do expect that some of my random thoughts will come together and at least help me out of this funk I’m in.  To do that, lets look at the root of the problem.

Who am I?

I’m a forty year old married father of two.  My wife is at times the biggest joy and the biggest pain as am I.  Especially lately.  Me more towards the biggest pain part.  Hey, I’m not modest, I’ll admit I haven’t been very easy to live with.  I have two kids who I absolutely adore every second but tend to drive me to want to fucking strangle them both.  And yes, I know it’s all payback for everything I did as a kid.  I don’t think I was quite so complex as these two, but I’m sure I had my moments.  (before you all call dyfus, please note this is mostly tongue in cheek and expressing it here  allows me an outlet)

Don’t get the impression that I am walking around with a black cloud over my head all the time.  Lately, I have a lot going on with work, with side work, with physical ailments from my accident in 2007, and from generally feeling and being, Old.  Is this my midlife crisis?  If so, I’m kinda lame because the most daring thing I want to do right now is go out and get another tattoo.

As I went back and put in the () comment above about not calling dyfus, it occurred to me that several things happened this past week to contribute to my full head of stress.  I worked from home Sun-Wed because Fae went to work with her Dad in the city, laying the ground work for taking over his clothing lines in 2-3 years.  He’s a rep for a designer, beautiful stuff.  Work has been getting really crazy as we try to tackle this huge project at work, the bulk of which I am responsible for.  And the cherry on top of it all, I missed my sunday Jujitsu practice because Fae was gone, and Wed when I went to Kendo, I had gotten a cortizone shot the day before so my elbow hurt, Aidan was weak and sick, and Gillian farted during practice and practically messed her pants.  Needless to say, we left about 20 min after we got there, and truthfully as bad as it seems, I’m glad Gillian got sick because it gave me an excuse to leave early.

All of which just focused in my brain the fact that I haven’t meditated in about a month.  There, I knew this was going to work.  I figured out most of the causes of my funk, and realized the answer was right there in front of me.

Who am I?  I’m a Dad who’s about to go pick up his little girl and go home and see if his kids want to go out front and have at him with bamboo swords.  Because teaching them something always makes him feel better.

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry, dadBlogs | 3 Comments »

Doing stuff with em

How many of us will look back at our kids childhoods and say, “I did enough with them.”

I’m not the worlds greatest dad, tho I am constantly striving to be   I was taking Aikido and it was fun, but it just didn’t feel right.  We were trying at the time to figure out a way for us to go to my Dad’s 70th bday, but the kids had a cheering competition that weekend.  We decided the kids had had enough – they weren’t enjoying it, and it was becoming a chore.  The problem is, in competitive cheering, pulling out midseason is a serious no-no.  You know what?  Tough.

So Aidan wanted to take martial arts classes, but he’s very non confrontational and loves swords, so I found a kendo class.  Problem is, I can’t afford to do Aikido and Kendo for both of us, so I decided it was more important to do this with my son than to just drive him and continue Aikido.  Plus it appealed to me, and Aikido wasn’t doing it for me anymore.

SO glad I decided to go for it.  Aidan and I have been working hard and improving quickly.  So much that Gillian is now taking the class with us.  Hearing her high-pitched “MEN” over all of the adults is so cool   (MEN is the japanese word for Head.  You yell out the strike as you do it to get points.  Kote (ko TEH) and Do (doh) are wrist and body)

I get 2 hours of daddy/kid time and we talk about it on the way in and the way back.  They’re really liking it, and I am grateful that I have something to do with them not only in class, but at other times too.

Find something you can share with them, even if it’s just a regular game of monopoly.  I’m lucky that they seem to like what I do

Posted in Dad, Kendo, nerdlings | 4 Comments »

Naked Men on the hill

No, I was not happy about it either.

I’m lying on the couch yesterday, reading a book, the kids are upstairs watching TV, when I hear my daughter yell, “Dad, there’s a naked guy out on the hill!”  There is a hill behind our house that kids sled on, so I looked out the window, saw some kids, one of which had a tan overall on, so I figured it was just her catching it wrong.

“He’s not naked honey, he’s just wearing brown pants.”

And that was the end of it, so I thought.

They go out to sled an hour or so later, and go to get their friends first.  I am in the kitchen and can see them coming down the path towards the hill.  I see some activity on the hill, so I looked.

And there, standing BUCK Naked except for his shoes is a kid and a sled.  I think he was maybe 14, and totally butt ass naked.  He was indian, hence the dark skin my daughter saw.  It was NOT the kid in the tan coverall, he was standing next to him, laughing his ass off.

Rage.  Pure and simple.  I’m a very non-confrontational man, and in hindsight, I should have just brought my kids inside with their friends and called the police.  I didn’t think, I just stormed out in a pair of sweats, a tshirt, and my boots.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!?” I screamed at the top of my lungs standing on the hill.  He’s down at the bottom laughing with his friends.  Needless to say, he stopped laughing.  He didn’t answer tho.

“Are you fucking KIDDING ME?” I screamed at him and his friends.  “What the hell are you thinking?”

“No one was around, no one could see.” he said meekly.

“REALLY?” I shouted.  (You have to realize, I don’t shout).  “I can see you from my Fucking WINDOW!  Get the hell out of here, all of you before I call the police”

“Don’t punish my friends for something I did sir.” he said, again, meekly.

“You, shut up.  You” I said, wheeling on his friend.  “Do you think it’s legal to be standing outside naked?  Do you think it was okay for him to be doing this?”  He just dropped his eyes and shook his head.

“All of you, get the hell out of here before I do something you’ll regret that will make me feel a lot better.”

They ran needless to say.  And Conan the Barbarian stood on the hill top, beating his chest, feeling very manly.

Now….WTF?  The only thing I can think of is it was a dare gone bad, but if you think about it, he did it more than once obviously.  Would you have done anything like this?  On a bright sunny day, with condo’s all around with big windows?

Dude, I hate to say it, but WTF is with kids today???

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry | 9 Comments »

we’re on the road to nowhere…

My daughters 3rd grade fieldtrip to a museum? Sure, ill chaperone:)

Got to the school this morning and piled onto the bus. Wow, I forgot how loud 22 3rd graders can be. Thankfully I got to sit up front. Cool museum with a good native american exhibit(which is what they are studying) so I did learn some neat things.

Problem is, we’re on the bus, and the kids are louder than on the way here, and we’ve been driving around lost for 20 min. I finally moved up front, told her where to go, and now we’re finally on our way back.

Now all I need to do is:
A) not kill the little monster kicking my seat.
B) not scream at the whiny little girl in front of me
C) not die of starvation

It’s a good thing I love my daughter….

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry, SuperDad, nerdlings | 5 Comments »

It’s about the little things

Is my son as psyched to be in Cooperstown as I am?  I’m not sure.  He sure is acting it, but I think he’s more psyched to be hanging out with A, his son D, and me all on a boys weekend.  And you know what?  I’m totally cool with that.  I always thought that my kids would play soccer and baseball and swim and be as physical as I was growing up.  Aidan’s a funny kid.  At first, like baseball, I thought he might be getting into japan and stuff related to it because he wanted to be like his old man.  And again, he might have been at first, but I think he’s really gotten and embraced things about it, that fit in line with my view of it, and then again, he might be slightly skewed in his likes and dislikes.

We’re definitely having a good time in kendo together – partially because it’s something he and I can do together, and partially because it’s really fucking cool  Sensei is going to give us our gi and hakama on Wed, but he doesn’t know that.  I’m going to grab it from her and stash it in my car and let him open at our house when we celebrate in front of the tree.  [Big shout out to our friend J for the help on the hakama.  He'll thank you after he tries it on, meanwhile, maybe you can come and give us instrutions on how to fold it? ]

It’s about being appreciated.  I had a bad day the other day, and my boss got the feeling that I might be looking for another job and really reached out to make sure I knew how much he valued me and my work.  It was really nice to hear, and I was in my car, I pulled over and called him right away – “WHOA!  No, I had a shitty day, that never even crossed my mind!”  Which is the total truth, but then again, who in their right mind would be moving jobs at this point in the economy?  I love my job.  Fuckin HATE my commute, but the job itself is challenging and rewarding in itself.  And most importantly, I have one

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry | 3 Comments »

Cooperstown

Last year, right after the Red Sox had won the World Series, I was lucky enough to go to the Baseball Hall of Fame.  My best friend and I went and came home to two very upset kids, our sons.  So a few months ago, A asked me if I wanted to go back again, this time with the boys.

Duh?!

Leaving tomorrow am with Aidan to go pick up A’s son D, going up to Albany, picking A up at the airport, and driving out to Cooperstown.  We’re gonna spend a few hours walking around town, maybe pick up some souvenirs, grab a bite to eat while talking about baseball the whole time, and then head back to the hotel and let the boys swim for a while before crashing.  We’re going to go over to the Hall first thing Sunday and spend the day, be back Sunday evening sometime.  Gotta love a chance to hang out with your buddy, your kid, and talk baseball for two days

Posted in Baseball, Dad, SAWKS!, geeking out, nerdlings | 4 Comments »

My lunatic brother

Who I am also proud as hell of.

My brother Tom has been looking for a way to get in shape.  I figured he’d go to the gym, or maybe join a martial arts studio.  Him?  No.  He’s going to do a Half Ironman Triathlon.  Tom doesn’t do things small, obviously

In his quest to get back in shape, he came across a website that trains teams for these things.  Please PLEASE go and donate whatever you can to his cause, it’s for LLS – Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, and I think it’s fabulous that not only is he helping himself, but he’s helping out people who really need it.  He’s doing what some people can’t so that someday they might be able to have a decent life.

Go and take a look at Tom’s Training Page

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry, dadBlogs | 4 Comments »

How to be a better Dad, by M@

Not that I follow all of my own advice, but still, here’s what I have picked up so far, and I hope that it’ll help those of you who are doing the NewDaddyBlogs rather than people like me – I guess I qualify as SoonToBeDrivenInsaneByTweenDaddyBlog?

They are so cute right now. Wait until they start talking. You want them to stand, walk, and talk so badly you can taste it. Then you spend the rest of their lives(that they live with you) getting them to sit down and shut up

Do I do that? No, but I like passing on that nugget of wisdom, it makes me crack up. Ugh, ever type with a finger that you’ve cut the nail too close or you rip part of it off right now? I’m dying right now, but I feel it necessary to pass along this info to you. I’ll clean the blood off my keys later

So what’s it like being the father of an 11 yr old and an 9 yr old? Wow, where do I begin. He doesn’t like being alone. She talks and sings in class and gets in trouble for it (sort of). He’s weird like me. She’s independent like my wife. They yell “Daddy!!” when I come in the door and run to give me a hug. They are friends. I’m freaking because I know they are going to start, very soon, thinking the opposite sex is neat instead of icky. I think it’ll be her sooner than him

It’s frustrating, it’s nerve wracking, it’s cool as hell and wonderful all at the same time. You have to make decisions and actually consider their feelings and recently, allow them to have their say. You have to try to guide them without making it seem like you’re telling them what to do. You have to be their friend as well as be their parent, and sometimes the latter really sucks!

So here’s my advice. My number one thing that you MUST MUST MUST do to be a successful parent.

You have to present a united front with your spouse/partner because if you don’t, they’ll see it, and figure it out quickly. I don’t always agree with something my wife does, but I will always support her and then maybe talk to her about it later. There have been times, however, that we haven’t pow-wowed beforehand and she or I will call each other on it.

One of the things I remember growing up was that my parents could do no wrong, they didn’t make mistakes, they were always right. One of the most important things we are trying to get across to our kids is the fact that we are human. Fae and I both had serious problems with drugs and alcohol when we were young, so much so that we don’t drink or smoke to this day. I think her addiction was probably worse than mine, but it’s something we decided together. We also decided to explain to the kids that Mommy and Daddy did this when they were young, and this is what happened. Mommy has problems with her nose because of everything she put up it, and Daddy took 11 years to finish college because for a large portion of that, he was too busy smoking pot and goofing off.

We believe that by providing examples of what happens, that we can hopefully cut off the addictive personalities they can inherit from both of us later in life. We also hope that they can see that people do make mistakes and that we are EXTREMELY LUCKY to not only have found one another, but to have succeeded as much as we have.

I remember learning about drugs and alcohol in high school – Oh I’m never going to do that! NO WAY! I was adamant. 2 years later, I’m failing out of the same college for the second time because I was smoking way too much pot and barely studying or going to class.

What’s the main lesson from all of this rambling – be honest with your kids. Be the friend when you can, and be the Parent when you need to be. Follow through with things you say, or don’t say them.

Anyway, hope this helps. Solidified all that rambling in my own head

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry, dadBlogs, nerdlings | 3 Comments »