Comradery, brothers in arms, emotional relationships

I’ve always been a fan of war movies, whether it was the Bridge Over the River Quai type battlefield movies, or current movies like King Arthur(the one with Clive Owen), or TV series like Band of Brothers.

There exists, a feeling, a common emotion, a ‘something’ that bands people together in situations like this.  It’s a shared experience, and almost psychic connection between people that transends words and thought, and reaches the spirit on a level that can’t be described.  I’ve read many books and seen lots of shows and movies where this spirit is present.  The Seven Samurai, a movie about 7 men who decide to defend a village from raiders – they come to know one another, see each others strengths and weaknesses, and form a cohesive unit, a bond that is strong enough that they can know that the man next to them will do whatever it takes to do his part, to ensure the success of whatever they do, or die in the attempt.

Is it the adrenaline?  Is it a respect for one another?  I felt some of the same unexplainable thing in my Tae Kwon Do studio with a group of people that I trained with, and later had the privilege of teaching.  There was always something there, something that made us push one another, to egg on or goad or embarrass each other to accomplish more and more each time.  My biggest success as an instructor was understanding that in situations like this, you bring out the best in people, by displaying the best in yourself.  It doesn’t necessarily make you the leader, or the best, or the one in charge.  People are inspired by seeing people put their money where their mouth is, by setting the standard high and aspiring to achieve the goals and aspirations they have set for themselves.  And in doing so, inspiring others to do the same.  I think the mark of a true leader is one who is not necessarily trying to lead, but exhibits true leadership in his actions alone.

I think we do that for our children to an extent.  I know that my son listens to every word, and sees everything I do as something he should do, or try to do.  This isn’t pompous of me, it’s reality.  Sons look to fathers to emulate and to imitate.  I have the good fortune to not only have a boy who understands my weirdness, but who wants to be like me, and looks up to me.  On the flip side, I know that my daughter loves me to the end of the earth, but is learning different things from me.  She’s much more independent and sees my behavior and actions and makes her own decision as to what she’s going to do.

It’s that unspoken bond, that communication between compatriots that I aspire to share with my children and teach them to try as well.  Each group in the movies and tv that I’ve spoken of is lead by a true and noble leader, who puts his men’s wellbeing before his own.  Its the love towards that person because of this intention that is a beautiful thing whether it’s a Major and his platoon, a Seargeant and his squad, or a father and his children.

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry, dadBlogs, general update, nerdlings | 2 Comments »

My kids – Buddy & Peanut

How do I love thee, let me count the ways:

• I love that you both come running to the door when I get home from work.
• I love that you want me to read you a chapter from your books before you go to bed.
• I love it that you still like to hug and kiss me goodnight.
• I love the fact that even tho I grumble about it, you still want me to make you pancakes every saturday morning.
• I love the fact that you are still small enough Gillian to walk on my back without crushing my ribs.
• I love the fact that you are improving and persevering in Kendo by leaps and bounds even tho there are a lot of times I know you want to give up.
• I love the fact that you still think I’m cool enough to play with, and that you even let me win sometimes too.
• I love how much Aidan loves D&D and how much Gillian pretends to just to hang out with us.
• I love playing video games and watching musicals with both of you.
• I love you both, even when you’ve mad bad decisions or just totally spaced out and forgotten what I’ve said 2 minutes ago.

I love you both so much that I could go on and on until my fingers hurt from typing so much.  Thank you for choosing me to be your Daddy.

Oh yeah, and most of all:

• I love that you still both call me Daddy.

I love you,

Daddy

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry, dadBlogs, nerdlings | 2 Comments »

The things we do for our kids

• Deliver 301 boxes of girl scout cookies.  While she’s on a playdate.  And a sleepover.  Why?  because the boxes are too damn heavy and “if you don’t get these boxes out soon, I’m going to kill you with them” threats make you move your kiester
• Go to class and get beaten with a bamboo sword.  Yeah, got hit last night, and it freakin HURT!  But I’m doing it because I want to do it with Aidan, not because the class is cool as hell and hopefully at some point, I’ll be able to wear cool ass armor and stuff.  Geeking out, me?  NEVER!
• Allow them to put together projects without taking it over so ‘they are doing it right’ and instead give gentle nudges like, “Dude, the clay is falling off the base, you might want to shore up that one side” or “Yes, I think orange clouds would be really pretty”.
• Read to them, every night before bed, because you know what?  THEY LOVE IT!  So what if you’re half asleep yourself – do the voices you A-HOLE or you’re a shitty father!
• Remind them to make their beds because when they do, Mommy gets really happy with them.
• Make their lunches in the morning, and every once in a while, slip in a note.  Doesn’t really matter what you say, just makes them feel loved.  Tho I found that “Farmer John’s Overalls are full of poo” is not a good thing to put in a note to your son because he spits milk out of his nose laughing.
• Stop writing on your blog when they come to you with a question.  I SAID STOP!  Save it where you are and be a Dad.

Okay, I think that’s all my meager brain can come up with right now.

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry, dadBlogs, nerdlings | 4 Comments »

Marriage Manual – kids entry #3

You will, upon threats of truckloads of guilt, walk to hell and back anywhere your kids want to go because you are a father, and you have sworn to spend time with them, and pick them up when their feet hurt (not that yours don’t), and get them bags of candy at the Hershey Store (as well as a bag of Reeses Pieces – Screw ET, these are mine), and then, only because they saw it on a post card, take them to one of the biggest ferris wheels in North America and ride it…

WITHOUT EVER GIVING THEM A CLUE THAT YOU ARE PETRIFIED OF HEIGHTS!!!!!

and they will never know either

Posted in Dad, Daily Entry | 2 Comments »

Being a Dad

What does it take to be a father?  Who draws up the rules and hands you a list of things you need to do?  Why do we become fathers?

Yeah, I’m not totally sure either:)  I just know that I’m doing something right because my kids are growing up fairly normal.  I got married at 26, I was a first time father at 28, and again at 30.  So that means I’ve been married for almost 14 years, I have an 11 yr old and a soon to be 9 yr old.  She’s 8 and 11/12ths thank you very much! (Take a bow Gillian).  I’ve been through diapers, teething, potty training, first days of school, first days of practice, and first days of away camp.  I’ve been through night terrors, “can’t sleep with the lights off”, “can’t sleep with the lights on”, “Daddy get me a drinkie”, and other things not worth mentioning.  I’ve had just about every single body emission on me at some point and I’m still breathing.

My latest bout has been getting my son through 5th grade, relatively unscathed.  Let me tell you, beware of moving from elementary school to middle/intermediate school.  The kids get shitty and they can spot a victim from a mile away.  Unfortunately, Aidan is a pretty sensitive kid and prone to take just about everything personally.  So how do you make sure your kid knows you support him, without doing it for him, or wimping him out?  Lots of confidence talks, therapy for him (and us), and a long breather over the summer.  Thankfully, this year, he’s got the stones to give some back and is quickly realizing that people weren’t picking on him, they were just fuckin with him.  I really didn’t think I was going to survive that one.

So what does it take?  It takes patience.  It takes a lot of love, a lot of communication, and a lot of holding back what you really want to say because they need to learn it for themselves and telling them the solution or the answer to the problem won’t help.  In a lot of cases, it makes it worse.  It takes a lot of hope, a lot of frustration, and a lot of disappointment.

Now at this point, you’re probably thinking that I don’t like being a Dad.  Far from it.  The cool stuff is what makes it all worth it.  Even a tenth of the cool stuff makes the hard stuff easier.

They can smile and make my day.  They give me hugs when I need them, even if I don’t know I need them.  They need me at times, and want to do it on their own at others.  My 11 yr old still likes to have his back tickled as he falls asleep.  My daughter knows when I’m tense and makes me lay on my stomach so she can walk on my back and loosen things up.  The rush in on the days I work from home and tell me about their days.

They email me at work or send me instant messages.

They give me an excuse to play D&D again and finally get to DM instead of playing the cleric all the time.

Anyone can be the biological parent.  It takes a lot more effort, sweat, nerves, tears, smiles, laughs to be a Dad.

Posted in Dad, Uncategorized, dadBlogs | 5 Comments »

Looks like I made it!!

Woo! I’m a featured blog at Alltop.com Go here and check it out man Yes, I’m at the bottom, but who cares!!!

Cool site, good place to find stuff by category without getting confused as hell by the rest of the crap. Like the no ads part too

Posted in Dad, dadBlogs | 2 Comments »

Dad blogs and me…

When I first started my online journey, it was mostly a blog about me whining about what I didn’t have, and why no one would give me the chance, etc etc. Needless to say, I finally grew up. Well, sort of. STOP LAUGHING!!!

When I realized I wasn’t posting as much as I would like, I realized I should, even if it was to just organize my thoughts. Then I started getting comments, and wanted more. So I posted more, and got more comments. It was good. So I started posting on other sites and commenting there, and got more feedback.

So I began trying to figure out where my blog should be. Is it a DadBlog? Yeah, for the most part. It’s different from a lot that I have seen, mostly because a lot of the ‘DaddyBlogs’ were for guys with younger kids – mostly newborns and under 8s. They are interesting, insightful, and well written. I want to try to do that, just at an older age.

So instead of diapers and first steps and things like that – here you’ll get posts about
first kisses
acne
pubic hair
bullies
turning my kids into martial artists and how badly that’s going You know your dad did this to you!
marital status – bliss, doom, lovely, shitty
Not being able to afford a house because of the crappy market
and other things of a soon to be 40 yr old guy who thinks he’s in much better shape than he actually is.

Okay, my wife is trying to organize stuff for her brownie troop, and I have distinctly heard the word shit, three times. Accounting major to the RESCUE!!!

Posted in Dad | 4 Comments »

What is a Parent?

I’ve been writing for a while now, see (http://cushingonline.com) and I’ve been coming across a bunch of really well written bloggers and realized one thing.

I am not a very good writer

I am getting better though, and I realize that the reason for this blog is a many faceted one.  I blog to keep my sanity.  I blog to get my feelings and thoughts in order.  There are way more posts that I write, that never get published, simply because they really wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense to anyone but me.  (come on Dice K, throw a damn strike already)

Oh, sorry.  I’m watching the Sox/Rays game right now.  (Ah, he listened!)

I blog to converse with the internet, and the nice thing about it, is the internet is answering back   There have been comments from as close as the 2nd floor of my Condo, to all the way out on the West Coast (HI MIKE!!!  HI RAGING DAD!!!)  The cool thing is, I feel like I’m finding friends in a way.  Not someone I’ll call and tell my troubles to, but definitely people that read my stuff and comment and i’ll read theirs and comment there too.  I feel like I’m part of a parental growing internet group.

So what is a parent anyway?  I’ve been looking around at all of the blogs that are Dad oriented and they all talk about New Dads.  You know what?  Been there, done that.  I’m father to an 11yr old boy and an 8 yr old girl.  This blog isn’t about diapers and thomas the tank engine.  It’s about how shitty 5th graders can be, and “Daddy, can I have a cell phone” and I’m gonna call you Dad in front of my friends, but Daddy at home, K?

I love being a father.  I love being able to be for my kids what mine wasn’t for me.  Don’t get me wrong, I love my Dad.  I’ve just been taking notes and learning over the years, and along with the lessons from my Father In Law, I have a fairly decent idea of what to do and what not to do.  I still make mistakes, I still yell when I shouldn’t, but I think the things I do right far outweigh the things I do wrong.

I care for, love, play with, am stern with my kids and I love them more than anything in the world.

Posted in Dad | 3 Comments »