mattdaddy.net info that bounces inside my brain that makes sense to me, maybe you.

Why do I put up with you?

It's a question she asks me at least once a week.  I've been thinking a lot about Fae today, so let me try to answer.

Dear Fae,

Why do I?  You can be a pain, demanding, irrational, stubborn, annoying, and even drive me to want to go screaming into the night.  So why on earth would I stay?  Why would I 'put up with all of your shit and baggage and bullshit' as you so often put it?

And no, it's not anything as corny as 'you complete me'.

It all comes down to, You UNDERSTAND me.  I may have given you a base or a platform for you to crawl out of that raging sea that has been your life for the first 25 years to stand steadily on and get your bearings, but you have been the rock that I can cling to while I dip my feet into the sea of growth and change discover who I am and who I want to be.  You make me into a better man, a better husband, a better father and a better friend.  You've allowed me to see inside myself, to show me things I haven't know about myself, and at times, smashed me over the head with a reality mirror to clear the way for me to see who I am, and what I am capable of.

Why do I stay with you?  I stay with you because you are my best friend.  I stay with you because you need me and I need you as we find ways to become more interdependent and less dependent.  You amaze me with your capability for growth and change, and inspire me to try and do the same for myself.  You are my greatest critic and my greatest champion at the same time.

I stay with you because you are everything I need right now, and will be for me tomorrow, next week, next year, next life.

I love you my Fae, and I always will.

Your,
Matthew

My Fae

Who is she? What did I do to deserve such a perfect partner? Is she perfect? Not in the general sense, no one is. She is perfect for me. She is who I need her to be, she is how and what I need her to be. As I said, she is the perfect partner.

In February of 1993, I was playing a roleplaying game on the computer at school. It was interactive and people from all over the world were playing. It was all text based:

Matt says "Hello" as he enters the room.
Fae says "Hi Matt, how are you" as she does something in the room.

It was all possible to talk in character, and out of character. I saw her name on a list of people and I knew there was something special. I started talking to her online and I was sure there was something special about her. I finally met her face to face after talking on the phone for hours every single day and I was absolutely I loved her.

And I had no real idea what she even looked like. Truthfully, I didn't care.

I found my soulmate. I found the partner that I have spent multiple lifetimes with, shared experiences with, lived, loved, and died multiple times with.

Ever feel right when you're with someone? Ever see someone or hear their voice and know? That's about how I felt from day 1. Not everyone understood. Not everyone will ever understand.

How do I love thee?  Lets count the ways

1. I love the way you look at me, period.  Mad, Sad, Glad...
2. I love the way you feel when we hug, how your head goes in under my chin.
3. I love the way you giggle when you tickle and play with the kids.
4. I love the fact that my uber intelligent wife likes to escape into bad reality TV.
5. I love the way you make me feel when I wake up in the morning and look over at your peaceful face.
6. I love the person you've helped me to become.
7. I love the person that you've worked to become.
8. I love taking trips to 'Fae-ville' and watch you make peoples eyes roll while they smile at you for being you.
9. You are the center of my universe and I love that I have put so much love into our relationship.
10. I love going downstairs to make you tea because it makes you feel good to have me get it.
11. I love your smell as we fall asleep and I smell your hair.
12. I love watching you play and have fun with the kids.
13. I could go on, but the most important way I love you, is because you are you, and because that person makes me be the man/husband/father/person that I am.

You are mine and I am yours and that makes me feel infinitely  safe and calm.  Having you in my life has helped me achieve things I have never dreamed or hoped for.

You are still, and always will be,  my favorite.

Happy Birthday Baby.

Your Matthew.