Haiku
What to write about?
Blogging is a way to write
about all my thoughts
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Project Management
software. So elusive. Can't
find one with it all.
A disagreement with my knees
For those of you who don't know me personally, I've been doing martial arts since 1993 and I've been interested in Zen and other things I've come across in passing while studying different styles. I was talking with one of the guys I studied jujitsu with a few years back and he and I had discussed the possibility of making a trip up to a place he'd heard of from a friend to check out Zen Buddhism firsthand. I stopped studying HYR Jujitsu, but kept in touch with the one guy over Instant Messenger. (as an aside, if you live in the Princeton NJ area, Fabian Sensei is amazing. I only stopped because I got a new job in White Plains.)
My 40th birthday is coming up and I was trying to decide what to do. My friend Alex got me tickets to see the RedSox play in Fenway in Sept for the first time, giving me the best birthday present ever. The question from my family came up as to what I wanted to do for my 40th in January.
After kicking around several ideas, I thought about the place my friend had told me about and I found the place again, Zen Mountain Monastery. I found an intro class that sounded cool, but it's not cheap, and it's 3 days. Everyone wants to go in together on a present and get it for me, but truthfully, I like meditating, and I do it quite often, but the package I looked at was for extended periods and I wasn't sure if it was truly something for me or something I was physically capable of. They do offer a Sunday class that is a nice intro to what they do, how it works, and what to expect. So after getting in touch with them to find out what to do, they told me to just show up around 9, and someone would lead me from there.
6am - oye. Didn't sleep much, maybe 5 hours. Mind racing a million miles an hour. Is that the alarm? Enlighten THIS!! Ugh!
6:01am - get up loser. You need to go check it out.
6:30am - fuck, it's dark. Shut up and go. Wait. Oh, okay. It's not really that dark, my eyes aren't totally open.
6:35am - please please please don't let me get into an accident before I can put the caffeine IV in. Ahh, Dunkin Donuts, thank heaven for you:)
6:36am - where are my fucking directions?!?
8:40am - wow, I'm awake, the mountains are really beautiful and I'm almost there. Man, I'm in the middle of NOWHERE!
8:50am - almost miss the turn, oh okay, the bridge is out. I have to park here and hoof it to the place on foot. Oh, thank goodness, it's on the other side of the bridge. Met some nice people who took pity on me and showed me where I could park and walked with me. They introduced me to a woman who turned out to be the chant leader, very nice. She told me where to drop my jacket and where to go and wait.
The zendo (the place where everyone meditates) was a polished wooden floor with square padded mats, with a small round pillow on each one. Very beautiful, yet modest statue on the altar at one end, and very sparse and simple room. I found out that once the bell rang and the others filed in, I could find a place to stand and just try to follow along as best as I could. Lots of bell ringing and chanting, and a nice lady who showed me which page to read from. The energy was very clean and nice, allowing me to shrug off a lot of my stress. Did some bowing and more chanting, falling into the rhythm of the group fairly easily.
9:30am -chanting ends, 1st time visitors shown into another room. One of the monastics took about 10 of us to another room, and showed us the various positions we could use to meditate using different things. Most people sit with legs crossed in front of them, sitting on a cushion. Some kneel, sitting on the cushion, some kneel sitting on a hard bench(which I decided on), some use a chair. I have been kneeling for martial arts for a long time, so I settled on seiza - kneeling position with a small bench. (Let me tell you - BIG MISTAKE. More on that later.) Talked about breathing, counting, dealing with discomfort, being still, being in the moment. All made much sense 
10am - went back into the zendo, and they managed to squeeze us in. The mats were pretty full. Who gets put right next to the senior students and monastics? Yeah. I swear the guy I sat next to was in his 80's and he was a natural. (probably been doing it a lot longer than the 1 day I had:) So I'm kneeling, my posture is correct, my breathing is correct, my right foot has detached from my body, I'm concentrating on counting, I'm losing count, I'm focusing on the red hot poker someone has shoved through my right calf, I'm breathing, I'm trying to focus... You get the picture. One cool thing they did was there is one monastic that walks around with a flat wooden slat. If you like, they will strike you on the shoulder blade, right where your neck and shoulder come together - it's the source of most people's tension in posture, as well as an energy point - nice little wake up call. So I heard it start with a few people and when they pass in front of you, if you want to, you bow, they bow, you lean to one side, WHACK, lean to the other, WHACK, then bow once more.
Wait, did someone reattach my foot? Dude, I can actually feel it. Good. Oh crap, okay, there it goes again. But I did regain feeling for a few moments there. The energy jolt was pretty amazing, and instantly brought my focus back. I managed to limp through the rest of the zazen(meditation) fairly well and enjoyed it. Then we had walking meditation. Problem is, in order to walk, you need feet, and I had to find my missing right foot. Thankfully, after switching to sitting position, it came back. We did a bit of walking meditation (which I actually liked better) and then had a lesson - a talk - from the Senior. I don't think there is ranking there, but I think he's been there the longest.
It was before he started that I realized I had been sitting in that position for 35 minutes. I was pretty shocked that I had ignored or just bared the discomfort and pain for that long. I did understand a lot of what it was all about and I think I impressed myself just a little.
10:45am the talk about community. I won't try to sum it up because I am really tired, but it was insightful, and I did feel it on a lot of different levels.
Noon: lunch. Talked to a lot of people from a lot of different experience levels - some like me, there for the first time, some like one guy who is like the lead disciple. Very laid back guy Duh, ZEN?!
All in all, it's something I would like to do again, this time hopefully more comfortably. I understand there is supposed to be a bit of discomfort at times, but with an old injury to my ankle and from working out HARD on saturday for 2 hours in Kendo, I am not surprised I wasn't able to do seiza for that long. Again, I think I'm going to try sitting differently on pillows here at home for longer periods to see if it helps.
If you are at all interested in meditation, zen buddhism, or just a REALLY quiet afternoon, I would recommend the Zen Mountain Monastery in Mt Tremper NY, it's about 2.5 hours from my house, and about 2 hours from NYC. If you don't need the rustic atmosphere of upstate NY, they do have a center in Brooklyn
updates of a sort
I haven't posted much in the last week or so, I was a lot there for a while and it was helpful for my mental state:) Things just got crazy with Peanut's birthday and stuff for school and stuff for work(that more than anything). I also have to put together a proposal for a nice chunk of outside work as well, so it'll be busy, but at the same time, good for us financially. Plus, I'm going to hopefully have a way to filter a lot of the stuff to Fae to do during the day (especially the spanish site).
Physically, I'm feeling okay. Went to Kendo last night and am not in danger of losing my arms today, so that's a real improvement. Aidan managed somehow to break one of the lathes in his shinai so I have to learn to pull it apart, replace it, and put it back together - should be very interesting indeed Worst case scenario, I ask Sensei to do it, but truthfully, I need to learn. Speaking of Kendo, Aidan is progressing nicely - the corrections he's getting are being taken to heart rather than personally, and he's making marked improvements in his footwork as well as how he carries himself in class. Plus his focus is better because he sees his technique tightening up. Hopefully sometime in the near future we'll get gi and hakama so we won't stick out like a sore thumb.
We took some time off during the summer and sept while they found a permanent space to practice. The place we have now is big, but has really cold floors. That being said, it's a great space, and a style I am really starting to understand and enjoy. Granted, I still want to kick and punch, but I can do that on my own.
We're headed to Chicago to see my sister for the weekend, so hopefully we'll be able to relax and take a bit of time to hang just the four of us.
Haiku
Juggling things above
my head. Some are of my own
making, some are not.
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Frustrated with life
at times. Then I think about
what I have and breathe.
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Season's over now.
Made a really good run. Can't
wait to start in Spring.
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Life in a child's smile.
It could be for you if you
just pay attention.
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Growing up so fast
When did they get so big, so
old? I am lucky.
Turning Japanese
As promised, here are your japanese terms for the day:
arigatou (Ah Ree Gah Toe) - Thank you. (normal)
arigatou gozaimasu (Ah Ree Gah Toe Go Zai Mas) - Thank you. (formal)
douitashimashite (Do Ita She Mahsh De) - You're welcome. (normal)
ohayou (sounds like Ohio) Good morning. (informal)
ohayou gozaimasu (Ohio Go Zai Mas) -Good morning.(normal and formal)
konnichi wa (Koh Nee Chee Wah) - Hello. (normal)
konban wa (Kohn Ba Wah) - Good evening. (normal)
sayonara (Sai Oh Na Rah) - Goodbye. (normal)
The difference between Normal and Formal is really dependant on whom you are speaking to. If a co-worker loans me a pen, it's Arigato. If the CEO loans me a pen, it's obviously more formal adding the Gozaimasu (Go Zai Mas). And if it's the CEO, you'll probably want to bow as well 
Ajay, am I getting this right?
Darnit!
Okay, so I'm posting every other day!
Went to Kendo on wednesday, and yes, I'm still sore. Oiled up both Aidan's and my shinai because if you don't the bamboo gets brittle and breaks. Learning some basic, repetitive techniques, still no gi or hakama.
FTNITK - Gi is the uniform, pants and top, worn by martial artists. Hakama looks a lot like a skirt, but it's actually pants.
In the school I am taking class with, you start off with just a shinai. Just basic techniques, your sword, and a lot of moving forward and backwards. The thing I have noticed is that the tighter you are, the sorer you get, and the worse the technique looks. If you loosen up and relax, and tighten up just before the technique lands, you're much better off.
Okay, it's 9am, I should get to work.
Old/Kendo/Doing things with Sonnyboy
OYE OYE OYE!
Or should I just say - OOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
Aidan I started taking a kendo class , well, yesterday and I quickly realized several things.
- I'm out of shape.
- I'm old.
- I can get hurt a lot more easily than I did before.
I had always thought I was in decent shape and could jump in with both feet into almost anything physical. Well, okay, I was wrong. SUE ME! My shoulder blades, my left elbow(was hurting before I went in), and most especially - my left calf. That's simply a block of wood. Walking around with a nice little limp today. If that doesn't make you feel older than dirt, I don't know what does.
The studio is in a firehouse, but it doesn't lack for anything as far as training and expertise. Church Sensei is about 4'10" and MAYBE 95 lbs and there is NO Way I would cross swords with this lady. I've always been someone who believed in energy/power/ki/chi that is possible if cultivated and practiced. I've come across some sensei before who oozed out of their pores - she's definitely on the list.
It was a good class tho - lots of higher and middle ranked people. Church Sensei made us watch two classes before signing up, and it made me feel better - they want to make sure you're serious before you start. So last night was really interesting for me. Of course, I started sweating within about 5 minutes while my son was mostly dry by the end of the whole thing. We did some warm ups and broke down the basic cuts into really simple drills. One, where you drive off the back foot, swing, drive back off the front foot and repeat 20 times is when I felt my calf fist up into a solid mass. F&*K it hurt!!
I didn't want to distract Aidan from his practice, so I managed to soldier through the class. Yeah, I didn't want to totally embarrass myself either, but so what! Learned the proper stance, steps and a few cuts - just enough to give us stuff to practice at home until we go back next week.
I have to say I'm really excited to do this with Aidan, not only because I think it's cool and so does he, but I think we're both pretty excited about doing this together. Looking forward to going home tonight and practicing soccer with Gillian and Kendo with Aidan.
Happy New Year
Needless to say, I have a lot to be thankful for. But I do have to say that I hope 2008 is better than 2007. I do have a lot to be thankful for. I work for a great company, I have a boss who I not only like working with, I actually respect and enjoy working for. That hasn't happened since 1997 when I was working in Houston. It makes the hugest difference when you come up with ideas....if people actually listen to them and actually do something with them. I'm not sure I can ever get used to that I'll try tho!
So...what does everyone do when the new year rolls around? It's time for....NAME THAT RESOLUTION!!! It's the latest craze sweeping the nation...Okay, no it's not. It's antiquated and most people last about 2 weeks, that's why gym memberships are so popular in January. I'll quit this, I'll start doing that...Yeah, sure you will.
So what am I promising myself? I'm not going to make promises. I guess I'm promising not to make a promise? Eww, circular argument....DANGER WILL ROBINSON!
I've done a lot of reading and research and thinking (can you smell the smoke?) and more thinking and realized one essential thing. It's just me. I'm the only one and only I can do it. I'd like to do many things, but truthfully, I'm not going to promise anything. I'm just going to try to be better to my kids. Try to be more conversant and available to my wife. Try to get to the dojo more often, to really fuel my need, my passion for touching that spark, that thread that I glimpsed so many times but got sidetracked or distracted. "Well, what if you move?" "What if you can't make time?"
I can't focus or worry about any of that. My practice is my responsibility.
Why is it we make plans with the best intentions, but they never turn out like we would like? Is it just me? I'd really like to know if anyone reading this feels the same way. How do you take a desire to do something that last more than 5 minutes and really work on it till you feel like you're accomplishing something?
Tao….WOW!
We went to see Tao - the martial art of Drumming at the State Theatre in New Brunswick. What an amazing show. Men and women beating the crap out of these small kettle drums and these humongous bass drums. Tell you what, I wish they had a workout program. These guys were cut. Yeah, they spent a lot of the show with their shirts off.
Unfortunately, they only had 4 shows in the US, and three were in Chicago. Keep an eye on the website, it was unbelievable.
What influences you?
The one thing I have noticed is that when I don't exercise, I am a serious grump. When I am a serious grump, I have a tendency to emulate and almost enhance the negativity around me. If someone's cursing or just being generally negative, I have a tendency to do the same and make the group energy pretty bleak.
Then I go to my aikido class, and I feel better. Why?
I figured out a long time ago, that when I physically feel bad, my mental and emotional state is likewise affected(or is it effected? know what? I don't care). I was feeling a bit of selfpity, a bit of blackness, projecting my negative thoughts into situations to paint the bleak picture instead of being rational and realizing it's all me projecting.
Wasn't having a great week last week, not sleeping enough, frustrated, blah...Realized I was in a bad place (sometimes I do, sometimes I don't) and decided I would change my perspective. Just deciding doesn't help, deciding to go to class and go to class helps.