Wow, okay, so that plan didn’t work out as well as I would have liked. A lot of things got in the way and I just didn’t feel the need or want to write about things.
It’s been pretty rough lately, and mostly for the reason that I keep complaining about – no outlet. I keep complaining that I don’t exercise so physically I feel like garbage. Today I realized I had been stuffing all of my feelings down and not really having any release or avenue to explode. I had a mild freak out which luckily Fae was able to talk me down from. I’ve never been prone to panic or anxiety, but lately, it’s been feeling like the glass is filling up slowly but surely.
I’ve been so busy and so stressed out in the last few weeks that I didn’t realize that things were that close to the top and whatever triggered it, something pushed me off the edge and I couldn’t breathe.
What a paralyzing feeling, not feeling like you have any control, or avenue of escape. Small things build up until they seem like mountains. I didn’t want to hit Fae with any of this, but I’m always about keeping things in and not sharing. I called her when I couldn’t breathe and she talked to me until I got myself under control. We talked for a little while and I gradually reasoned out what had been bothering me. It’s work related, and I don’t want to go into it, but I realized that I’m really grateful for the people I work with and for, knowing they all had my back. And that I am very lucky to be in the situation that I am in, being able to learn so much and also work from home so I get time with my family.
So do yourselves a favor. Take a deep breath and a step back. Look at what you have and can be grateful for. I texted Fae afterwards, thanking her for saving me. She sent back “You save me every day”.