Marriage Manual rule #239 – when your partner is having a shitty day, it doesn’t matter how shitty yours is, give them a hand or a hug, or some space to be alone, or smother them with cuddles, tea, and those biscotti that you get fresh from the farm stand on your way home from class on Sundays.
I think that in relationships, sometimes you get so lost in your own shit, that you don’t really examine what’s going on around you. Remember you are in a partnership that doesn’t run itself, it needs constant work and change and tweaks here and there to handle the bumps that life throws at us. Take care of the kids (if you have them) but remember that at some point, they’ll leave and you’ll still be there with your partner. Too many couples get to a point in their relationship where they turn around one day, look at their partner, and wonder “Who the fuck are you?”, at which point, there’s some serious trouble. Relationships are constant change and work and effort, but in the end how awesome is it to spoon at night, or have them get you a cup of tea, or just ask if you want anything when they’re going downstairs for a drink or a snack.
A lot of people don’t realize what they have until it’s too late, or are so blinded by their own need that they don’t see how the relationship is changing without them. A bit of upheaval is healthy I think, because it means that both of you still care and are willing to work. There should always be a balance, and the wherewithal to understand when it’s your turn to support, and when it’s your turn to lean on the other person.